


At Any Cost

by DavinaCFox



Category: Batman (Comics), Gotham (TV)
Genre: Accident, Alternate Universe, Chubby Oswald Cobblepot, Devotion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Extramarital Affairs, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Love Triangles, M/M, Oral Sex, Passion, Past Infidelity, Recovery, Sacrifice, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secrets, Sex Toys, The Gotham war did not happen, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-10 07:20:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18655648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavinaCFox/pseuds/DavinaCFox
Summary: In this AU fic, the war Oswald once warned Jim was coming to Gotham never happened. But Jim and Oswald DID happen, and their happy life together was wrecked by a confession from Jim that caused a bitter break up, then Oswald drove off in a tearful rage and had an accident that devasted his life.  Now Oswald is at home with Jim, slowly recovering - but in his mind, is caught between fantasy and reality as his dreams of a burning city and being blinded by a grenade, then the man he loved being responsible for sending him to jail for a decade, take over this thoughts, as Oswald struggles to understand the difference between nightmares and reality.As desperate Jim tries to bring him back to reality, it seems only Ed Nygma can help Oswald - and Jim's desperate wish to have Oswald back as the man he used to know before the crash might well come true, but with secrets yet to be recalled,  Jim's wish coming true - to have his Oswald back - could come at very a heavy price indeed...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers :-)  
> This fic is an AU where the Gotham war never happened.  
> Also, Oswald didn't go to jail for ten years.  
> It's also a very emotional love story of a very tangled situation...

Chapter 1

 

**A Year Later, Wish Granted :**

 

As their eyes met across the Iceberg Lounge, Oswald stood there looking immaculate in his suit, the light catching on his monocle as he smiled fondly. He was leaning on his cane, just like he always did – like he always had, before – like the whole nightmare had never happened.

In that moment, Jim felt the bittersweet sense of victory that was so overwhelming he didn't know if he wanted to go up to Oswald and hug him, or walk out before tears blinded his eyes. A thought ran through his mind:

_I guess I got what I wished for._

_I said I'd have my Oswald back at any cost..._

_No matter what the price..._

He was still looking at Oz, who smiled in a way that made his heart miss a beat. Then Harvey touched his arm and Jim broke the spell, turning his head as his best friend handed him a drink. Harvey caught the look in his eyes and understood exactly what it meant.

“There's Oswald,” he said, indicating towards him as he raised his glass, “I guess you got what you wanted.”

“I guess I did,” Jim said as emotion choked his voice, then he fell silent, thinking about it again: _Yes, he had once said, whatever it takes, that he would give anything... Clearly, his wish had been granted - and the price had been paid..._

 

**A year Before:**

 

Jim Gordon felt weary as he returned to his apartment, went in quietly and placed the bags of groceries on the kitchen table. It was then he saw the note on the fridge, stuck there with a magnet. It was from Barbara: _Had to go to the club, sorry! Oswald was sleeping when I left. I'll call you._

Jim gave a heavy sigh.

“ _You left him on his own?”_ he muttered as his heart sank, _“Thanks a lot, Barbara...”_

Suddenly the weight of it all seemed too painful and too heavy as he quietly made his way out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bedroom. Not _their_ bedroom, not the room they used to share. Since Oswald had left the hospital he had been in the spare room, this was _Oswald's room_ now, and Jim hated the separation.

He went inside. The curtains were partly closed, but the gap let in light and the open window let in fresh air – as fresh as it could be in the heart of the city. He went to the window and opened up the curtains wide, flooding the room with daylight, because it was gone noon and Oswald slept a lot, but he really needed to wake him now. Just then as he looked out at the city below a car took a turn too sharply and wheels on road surface made a screech that made Jim tense and close his eyes as he held his breath without thinking, fighting off the memory of that day, but it still hit him, flickering images he wished he could forget:

“ _Why didn't you tell me?” Oswald yelled as he lunged at him, slamming a fist into his face._

_They had fought, Oswald had limped out of the apartment snatching up his car keys._

_Jim woke on the floor moments later._

“ _Oswald?” he called, staggering to his feet and wiping blood from a split lip._

_He ran to the door and found it open. The elevator was in use so he took the stairs, reaching the street breathless and still bleeding. The rest happened too fast..._

_Oz was in the car, sobbing and angry and as Jim reached the car the engine was running. He hammered on the window. Oswald glared at him with tears streaking his face._

“ _WER'E OVER, JIM!” he yelled, and took off as wheels screeched loudly._

_The car headed for the traffic, chaos ensued as Oswald's car sped off. Jim ran up the street yelling his name._

_The sound of the collision was like an explosion._

_Then, amid the chaos and cars screeching to a halt, fell silence. Jim could hear nothing but his own racing heart as he turned the corner and saw the truck across the other side of the junction, and crushed against it was Oswald's car..._

He was still holding his breath.

Jim realised and let it go, breathing out as an ache filled his chest. He took another breath of fresh air, remembering that had been almost a year ago. Holding himself there in the present moment was enough to push away the rising panic and the threat of fighting for air as his heart raced out of control. _Flashbacks. They never stopped._ All it took was a sound or the sight of a car wreck, even on the TV, and he was back there on the day Oswald was in the collision...

He was still remembering. The shock. The slow, painful sinking in of what had happened, the waiting, the worry, the fear, the thought that maybe Oz was dead and they hadn't thought to tell him... Then being told he was alive, and had a ten percent chance of staying that way...

 _It's all my fault_.

That thought rang about his conscience like his head was a chamber echoing back at him, with no escape from its hollow walls...

Oswald was home now, he was recovering. _If it could be called recovery._ He slept a lot and had terrible dreams that had echoed his fears many years before, when he had said there would be a war in Gotham.

That war had never come but for Oswald, he fought it every day in his confused mind... Oswald had lost an eye in the accident. But as far as he was concerned, it had happened when a grenade had exploded as he fought for the city... And worst of all, he believed he had been sent to Blackgate for ten years, and every time he believed that, he would look at him and say, _You betrayed me, Jim - and now I want revenge!_

Jim had thought the worst part of this was after the collision, when he had expected to lose him. But he was wrong. He still felt like he had lost him, every single day when he looked at him with hate in his angry glare, believing his nightmares, refusing to accept reality...

Jim took a deep breath and turned around and his heart missed a beat as he looked at Oswald, turning restlessly in his sleep as he muttered something under his breath. He still looked handsome to Jim, even with the missing eye and the scars. He had gained weight in the months he had been stuck in bed too, but that just meant there was more of him to love, he adored his fuller, curvy body. He was still weak, yet he had the strength to come this far, perhaps it was testament to how tough Oswald really was, he had been king of Gotham, a criminal at the top of his game, and when whispers had started that Detective Gordon was involved with Oswald Cobblepot, it had almost cost him his job - until his captain had acknowledged that Cobblepot kept order in the underworld and had helped the GCPD several times...

Jim had thrown himself into his work, taking on more hours, more cases, working harder to prove his loyalty remained. And that had put a distance between him and Oswald, and a strain on their relationship...

They had separated.

The loneliest months of his life.

A time of mistakes, too...

A year later they reunited, then they married, then came a confession that had led to _that_ terrible day...

Oswald still had his business interests. Jim had looked after them for him – the legal ones... Barbara had taken over a few others and for now, the underworld was running as well as it could without Penguin to hold it together. Jim had quit his job to take care of him. Barbara helped out when she had time. Harvey was his rock. Jim had hoped when Oswald came home, everything would be okay. It wasn't...it would never be okay again...

As Jim made his way over to the bed, Oswald was unaware of his presence. He was locked in a nightmare world where he had lost all hold over a city that had plunged into chaos. Gotham was burning, and he was fighting a war. He was beside Ed when the grenade exploded, blinding him... Then Jim had him sent to prison for ten years...ten long years of his life, his own husband had betrayed him... Oswald turned again, on to his back as he murmured something and clutched at the sheets and turned his head, exposing his blinded eye and the deep scar on his temple that ran into his hairline, now covered by his soft, dark hair.

Jim sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Oz?” he said softly, “Oswald, wake up...”

He turned his head, opening his good eye sharply, glaring up at Jim, whose heart sank. _He was doing it again. He wasn't here, in reality. He was back in that nightmare world and he believed it was real, all over again..._

“It's me, Oswald... you know who I am,” Jim said, tenderly stroking his hair.

Oswald drew in a slow breath as his gaze filled with rage.

“Of course I know who you are!” he said, sounding weak but full of enough strength to vent his hatred, “You're Jim...and _you_ sent me to Blackgate for ten years! I will take my revenge if it's the last thing I _ever_ do!”

He reached up, swatting Jim's hand away from his hair as anger burned in his gaze.

“Oswald, please -”

“I have _nothing_ more to say to you!” he replied bitterly, turning his head away.

Jim tried again as he tried to ignore the rising sense of anger and frustration and the overwhelming pain of Oswald's rejection.

“I didn't send you to Blackgate. It wasn't real, you had nightmares while you were in the coma and you're still having them.”

“Why should I believe anything you say?” Oswald asked coldly.

Jim blinked away tears, determined not to cry in front of him. He had cried so many times since the day of the accident, and to cry now felt like giving up all hope.

“Please, Oz -”

He reached for him and Oswald glared at him, pushing him away.

“Leave me alone, Jim!”

Hearing the anger in his voice was almost enough to make his own anger and frustration rise. He wanted to grab him and shake him, but how could he do that to Oswald, who was so fragile after all he had been through?

Jim leaned over him, gently grasping his wrists as he held him there and Oswald's long eyelashes fluttered as a look of alarm came to his face.

“Listen to me!” Jim pleaded, “You have to stop this, Oswald! It's just a nightmare. Think about what really happened. How did you lose your eye?”

Oswald had turned his face away as in his mind, the grenade exploded again.

He looked back sharply at Jim.

“ _Fighting for the liberty of this city!”_

Despair washed over Jim again. He let go of his wrists, hating himself for how close his anger had come to spilling over.

“There was no war, Oswald,” he said in a low voice.

“It was a grenade, Jim! And the rest is all your fault, you sent me to Blackgate, left me there to rot!”

Jim blinked away tears.

“Oz... please...”

He ran his hand over his hair, then placed it gently against his cheek.

“You're wrong! I love you, I would _never_ do that to you!”

Fierce anger burned in Oswald's eye.

“It's all your fault!”

“No, it's your fault, what _you_ did -”

Confusion swirled in Oswald's mind as he tried to make sense of what Jim had just said. But he couldn't.

“ _I haven't done ANYTHING!”_ Oswald protested defiantly.

Jim fell silent. _No, he couldn't tell him everything, he wasn't strong enough, he wasn't ready to hear it all because that would mean the truth would hit him all over again and hurt him again, too..._ He tried to keep to the basic facts as he tenderly stroked his cheek and Oswald looked up at him, gaze burning with anger over dreams that had no basis in reality...

“ _We had a fight.”_

“Why would we do that, Jim?” he demanded.

Jim blinked away more tears.

“It doesn't matter. None of that matters now.... but you left and you were very upset, Oswald. You drove off and you went through a red light and another vehicle hit your car. It was a... very bad collision,” his throat felt tight, he didn't want to recall that day in detail.

“Why should I believe you?”

As Oswald said those words, something at the back of his confused mind was saying maybe, just maybe, there was some truth to this. But how much truth was impossible to know. The war in Gotham had been real enough, he relived the impact of the grenade, the burning pain in his face, every single time he closed his eyes and the dreams came back... He wanted to think he wasn't real. He wanted to believe he had not spent ten years in Blackgate - but he remembered it all...

Jim stroked his hair as he spoke softly to him.

“Oz, you were badly hurt. After the accident you had a ten percent chance of surviving, they said I'd lose you... and you proved them all wrong, because you're so strong and you're such a fighter... please don't give up now... _I just want my Oswald back!_ ”

Again, something about his words seemed to ring true but to Oswald, it was vague. He had no memory of an accident, the only memory he held was the city in flames, the grenade going off, then later, Jim betraying him... Oswald shook his head as confusion filled his gaze.

“I...I don't know what happened. Why should I believe you?”

“Because I love you and I wouldn't lie to you?”

Jim stroked his face again, a soft touch to his cheek that didn't bring him back to him, there was no look of love in Oswald's gaze as he glared up at him, lost and confused. Jim's hand shifted to his chest, where he rested it and the feel of his heart beating was a warm reassurance that yes, he was still alive – even if the Oswald he knew and loved seemed gone forever...

“You must remember my touch...” he started to stroke gently with his fingertips, then slid his hand slowly down his body as surprise registered in Oswald's gaze.... Yes, Jim's touch was familiar...in what way, he was unsure, but he knew he didn't want him to stop as he briefly closed his sighted eye and parted his lips, sighing as the feel of Jim's hand around his cock made him slowly start to harden.

“Let me touch you, Oz?”

It sounded more like a desperate plea that a question. Oswald said nothing, giving another sigh as Jim's hand began to gently jerk his hardness. _It felt good._ It was feeling rapidly _very_ good, as he grew solid under his touch, a touch that seemed to bring him back to life in ways he had forgotten... _Had he forgotten?_ Oswald silently concluded if Jim was trying to prove himself he had chosen a pleasant way to go about it, and so he pushed aside his confusion and his anger and his doubts as sheer pleasure took over.

“You like that, Oz... you always loved my touch... please remember!”

“I... I don't recall...” he said, softly, then gave another sigh as his face started to flush and suddenly, arousal was all that mattered.

Jim jerked him harder, feeling a spark of hope, knowing he was responsive and enjoying this and thinking maybe, memories would flood back. _Please remember us, please..._ ran through his mind. Oswald tipped his head back, his body going rigid for a split second as he came hot and fast over Jim's hand.

“Love you,” Jim whispered as he got up, pausing to kiss his cheek.

Oswald was still breathing hard as he lay there on his back, watching Jim clean him up. Jim met his gaze and his expression was unreadable.

“Say something?” Jim's voice was barely above a whisper as he waited for a response.

Oswald's mind was caught between two realities, a world of nightmares, and this one - where he was recovering in bed, being taken care of by the man who, in his other memories, had betrayed him...

“Oz... say something?” Jim pleaded again.

Oswald sat up in bed, slowly and carefully, shooting Jim a look that said _don't help me_ , and as he looked at him, he felt nothing but confusion.

“I love you,” Jim said, reminding him again, he had reminded him so many times since he had come home, since it had become clear the nightmares and Oswald's belief in the other reality wasn't about to fade any time soon. Suddenly a look of pain came to his gaze as he became tearful.

“ _I... I really miss Edward! I miss my dog!”_ he gave a sob.

Jim felt his heart sink again, sinking deeper into a chasm that led to a place where giving up hope would be the only option. But he couldn't give up. Oswald had been through too much, and come this far, and even though it felt like he had lost _his_ Oswald on the day of the accident, he wasn't going to give up now...

“Oswald,” he took him gently by the shoulders, meeting his gaze, “You don't have a dog. We can get a dog, when you're recovered, but this dog you're taking about was part of your dreams. Please believe me, I'm telling the truth.”

Oswald gave a quiet sob.

“ _I miss Edward!”_ he wept.

Jim held him as he pressed his face to his shoulder and gave another sob, speaking softly to him as he stroked his hair. As he pulled back, Jim brushed tears from Oswald's face.

“We can get through this.”

Oswald shifted away from his embrace, laid down and turned his back. Jim felt powerless, the same way he had been powerless on the day of the accident.

“You're still my Oz,” Jim said softly, reaching out and stroking his hair, “It doesn't matter how tough this gets, I'll be here for you and if I have to keep reminding you of reality, if that's what it takes, I can do that. I just want my husband back. Oz.. are you listening? Will you try and believe me?”

“I'll try,” Oswald's voice sounded small and quiet. His back was still turned.

“That's all I need to hear,” Jim promised, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I'm here for you and I will not give up on you, Oswald.”

Something about the way Jim said that cut through the swirl of confusion in his mind as he turned over, then looked up tearfully at Jim as he reached for him.

“I'll try...” he said again, and as Jim leaned in, Oswald embraced him again, and this time, he held on tightly, tight enough to give Jim hope. As he let go, he gave a tired sigh.

“I want to go back to sleep”

“Okay,” Jim replied softly, “I'll make us both some lunch soon, would you like that?”

“I just want to go to sleep, Jim.”

Oswald closed his eyes, wrapped warm under covers that seemed to swamp his fragile, wounded body.

“Okay,” Jim whispered, “I love you, Oz.”

Oswald gave no reply. Jim left the room and closed the door quietly behind him, then he leaned against the wall, stifling a sob as he slid down it, then sat there quietly crying in the hallway, where Oswald couldn't hear him. He had known this would be tough, but it broke his heart to think he couldn't deal with this alone:

_Why wasn't love enough?_

_Why was it so hard to look after Oswald, to bring him back to reality again?_ He had been warned it would be very tough to handle, emotionally as well as in all other ways. But he had really thought he could handle this alone. He knew he was wrong, he had known for a long time, ever since Oswald had first come back home... He reached for his phone. He needed to speak to Harvey, because he had said he would always be there for him, and he had kept his word. He needed to hear the voice of his friend, who would let him cry, and he would listen, too. It was all Jim needed to keep him sane, he needed his best friend...

 

Harvey Bullock was at his desk when the call from Jim came through. It was a quiet day, and the detective who had taken over from Jim was not in the office, so he had time to take the call. In truth, he would always have time for Jim. He had fully understood his reason for giving up the job he loved, because after the accident, nothing would ever be the same again, not for Oswald and certainly not for Jim...

He hadn't really been too surprised when he had heard about their relationship a few years back. Jim had always been soft for that little crime king with spiky hair and a limp. But hearing about the accident, _that_ had been a shock. Obviously after that it was clear Penguin didn't pose a threat to the city, at least not for now, and Jim could have stayed in his job with none of the worries that had dogged him before – but Oswald was too badly hurt to face a certain or even good chance of recovery. So Jim had quit his job, the job he loved so much, to take care of the man he loved, who had to come first. And what a living hell _that_ had turned out to be... The phone rang again. Harvey answered it.

“Hi Jim,” he said, and his heart ached as he heard anguish in his friend's voice.

“Harvey... it's not been a good day.”

He glanced towards the bag that contained a sandwich he had saved for later and decided against eating right now, because Jim needed his full attention. He checked his watch.

“Well, it's just gone one one thirty pm, the day is still young. It could get better, Jim.”

“He's … hallucinating or dreaming or whatever the hell it is... I thought just for a few seconds he was back today, then it started all over again, the usual...”

Harvey gave a sigh.

“Oh Jim, I don't know what to say. I wish I could do more, but at least he's still with you. I remember after the crash, the doctors were so sure he was going to die. And he didn't. He made it. Just try and remember that when he has his moments. He's still with you.”

Jim's voice sounded broken as he spoke again.

“ _But he's not my Oswald! I've lost him, don't you understand that? I would give anything to have him back again, the man he was before the accident. He's not my Oswald any more.”_

Harvey paused for thought. Finding the right words for a situation like this, was hard.

“You do a great job of looking after him. And maybe in those moments when he's like his old self, that makes it worthwhile.”

Jim took a deep breath. Harvey gave a slight nod, that was better, deep breath, he was pulling himself back together once more...

“So, how bad was it today?” Harvey asked, choosing his words with care – a practise he had been in since Jim had landed a punch on him back in the days when Oswald had just come out of the coma and he had made the mistake of saying, _You still have your work, Jim, hold on to your job. Oswald needs constant care, put him in a nursing home..._ The fact that he had added after that blow that left his nose bloody, _I only meant short term, not forever!_ didn't really make a difference to the rage he had seen in Jim's eyes as he had grabbed him by his jacket and pinned him to the wall.

“ _I will take care of Oswald, he's not going anywhere but home to me!”_ Jim had said angrily...

Harvey paused for thought with the phone to his ear, still choosing those words with care because Jim was clearly feeling emotional today.

“Has he been getting crazy dreams again?”

“Yes, he has,” Jim replied sounding exhausted, “He looked at me like he hated me. If he could recall why the fight happened, why he had the accident I wouldn't blame him but -”

“Stop that,” Harvey cut in, “Blaming yourself won't help Oswald, Jim. I'm finishing work early today, I'll come over later.”

“Thanks,” was all Jim said in reply, then the call ended.

Harvey paused to look at the phone as he shook his head. Jim's life had been hell since Oswald's accident. And the circumstances around it only made matters even worse...

“I'll be there for you, Jim - as always,” he murmured, then gave a weary sigh.

 

Jim had made lunch, left a tray with tea and food in the bedroom for Oswald, who woke up and cast him a glare for disturbing his sleep, then Jim had set the tray on the bed and after Oswald had told him he was _fine, thank you,_ then added a frosty, _Get out_ , Jim had left him to eat alone and gone back to the kitchen, where he made coffee, then finally sat down, grabbing five precious minutes to take a breath before he needed to either check on Oswald or wait for him to call him to take the tray away, or turn on the TV, or help him to the bathroom.

Oswald had gone quiet. Jim got up and took his coffee with him and went down the hall and quietly looked in on him. Oz was on his side, sleeping heavily again. He had been told he would sleep a lot, it was part of recovery, but those nightmares never let up as he watched him turn and frown and heard him mutter low under his breath, he knew he was back there again, reliving events from a nightmare world his damaged mind had created, a place that claimed him ever time he slept.

Oswald's dreams were unpredictable. Sometimes he would wake furious with Jim for having him locked away in Blackgate for a decade, other times he would be crying for his lost dog. Sometimes he woke to grab hold of Jim and urgently tell him the war was coming, it was here the city was burning and the bridges were falling... A simple belief that one day a war would come to this city had somehow grown from the seed of a theory into a world of its own that had a hold on his shattered mind, blurring the lines between the real world and the place he went to when he slept. Jim didn't know how to fight it. Loving him, exercising patience, reminding him of reality – it was all he could do.

Oz was strong enough to get out of bed now and make his way to the bathroom. He could also put on a dressing gown and go to the front room, where Jim would often find him lying across the sofa half asleep as he grew drowsy in front of the TV. But Oswald was unsteady and needed help. He had fallen twice and when Jim had helped him up the second time despite his protests that he could cope, Oswald had lashed out, giving Jim a bloody nose. As soon as he had carried him back to bed, Oswald had looked up and seen the blood and immediately become apologetic, sounding almost like his old self again as Jim had promised him it was okay, he knew he didn't mean it. An hour later Oswald was yelling at him that he had lost ten years of his life behind bars, and called Jim a traitor. The exhausting circle was never ending...

Now Jim was in front of the TV, exhausted as he rested on the sofa when he heard a knock on the door of the apartment. It was too early for Harvey, and it wasn't his knock... But he knew whose knock that was, three sharp raps on the door, they happened again as he reached the hallway and as he opened up the door, there he was, tall and lean in a green suit with a big smile on his face.

“Hi Jim,” said Edward Nygma, “I thought I might stop by and see Oswald.”

He whipped a bouquet of flowers from behind his back.

“I got these for Oswald...” he paused, smiling again, “For you too... Both of you, of course!”

He thrust the bouquet into Jim's hands before he could say more.

“So how is he this week, any better?”

Ed had walked past Jim as he asked that question looking about the quiet hallway. Then on hearing no reply, he turned to Jim with worry starting to show on his face. Then he noticed how worn out he looked, and saw that same tired, sad look in his eyes. All trace of his bright mood slipped away.

“Oh dear,” he said, “Not good news yet, then?”

Ed had asked that question before and it always puzzled Jim why he said that, asking as if Oswald was going to have some kind of overnight miracle one day. Maybe Nygma thought that way because he was still in and out of Arkham when his psychiatric episodes got bad, maybe he was just permanently out of touch with reality too...

No, Jim cancelled that thought. Ed Nygma was still a criminal, but these days his crimes extended to his links to the underworld and his often violent game show he hosted in the Narrows, it was the kind of show that someday, when heath and safety had real power in this city, would get him shut down. Until then, he was slightly unhinged Ed, and that wasn't his fault. He tried to keep out of trouble, mainly because he didn't like being locked up. His loyalty to Oswald was never ending, and right now, with Harvey yet to come over, he was actually glad Nygma had showed up, even though, in the early days after the accident, his almost constant presence had been hard to bear. But he had made it clear he would always be here for Oswald and every time he saw him, Oswald responded well. He was the _only_ person he responded well to, actually – Edward Nygma, his former partner in crime...

“He's still the same,” Jim replied, “I think he's sleeping right now. Would you like some coffee?”

“No thanks,”Ed said with a smile, “I'll just go in and see Oswald. I'm sure he won't mind me waking him.”

“Okay,” Jim replied with a nod, feeling more than a little resentful and knowing at once he shouldn't feel that way. Ed was good for Ozzie, and that was all that mattered, despite the stormy past those two had shared back in the day...Ed walked away, heading for Oswald's room. Jim went into the kitchen to put the flowers in water.

 

Oswald had woken again from a brief, light sleep and sat up and reached for the remains of his tea. It was growing cold but he sipped it them set it back down on the tray, and as he heard Ed call his name, all the world seemed right again, just for that moment as he recalled in an instant all their good and bad times. Ed had been at his side when he had been Mayor of Gotham – he knew that was true, Jim had confirmed it. As for the rest... it was still there, so real, like two realities sitting side by side in his mixed up head – and he never knew which side would take him over...

Oswald ran his fingers through his messed up spikes that Jim had styled the day before but sleep had wrecked, and he folded the covers down to his waist, pushing his pillows behind him as he rested comfortably, waiting for the knock. Then it came, and it made him smile.

“Come in!” he said, feeing pleased his voice sounded a little stronger.

The door opened. Ed walked in, instantly smiling at the sight of Ozzie sitting up in bed and looking focused for once.

“How are you?” Ed asked as he reached his bedside, then he leaned into Oswald's open arms and hugged him. Oswald hugged back, tighter than before. His strength was returning. That thought made Ed's heart sing with joy.

“I'm not so good, Ed,” Oswald admitted, then he frowned as he looked down at the covers that wrapped his lower body in warmth, “I...I don't know...”

“You don't now what?” Ed asked gently.

Oswald looked at his sharply.

“ _I don't know if this is real!”_

Ed took hold of his hand.

“Shall we do this again?”

Oswald detested feeling helpless. He swallowed hard, nodding in agreement.

“Okay,” Ed replied, “Let's start again. Yes, we used to make a great team back in the old days. We were both criminals, you, the Penguin and me, the Riddler. And your dear Mother died exactly as you recall, and you did become king of Gotham.”

“And Jim tried to kill me at the pier. Him and Harvey,” Oswald said as resentment flashed in his pale gaze, “Why would I marry Jim after he did that to me?”

Ed gave a sigh, then squeezed his hand.

“Back then Jim was supposed to prove himself by taking you out. He fired a shot past your head and pushed you into the water to make it look like he'd shot you. He saved your life, Oswald! That was back when things were different - Harvey told him to kill you because in those days Harvey was under pressure from a lot of police corruption that doesn't exist now. Harvey is Jim's friend and yours. Neither of them would harm you. Trust me on that!”

“I don't know what to think any more,” Oswald looked directly at him, one eye wide and bright, the other an empty socket.

“Okay, let's try something else,” Ed replied, giving his hand another squeeze, “What happened to your eye, Oswald?”

In his mind, the explosion happened again.

“We were fighting, defending the city, you and I, side by side and a grenade went off and -”

“No,” Ed cut in, “ _No_ , Oswald. You were in a collision with a heavy vehicle that crushed your car. You lost your eye in the accident. It's my theory that the actual collision could have sounded like an explosion to you, the way the car was hit, you would have heard that before the vehicle was pushed across the road and crushed. You may have lost your eye on impact, and the final slam to the car would have caused the second head injury that caused the skull fracture and the internal injuries that followed -”

“Please stop, Ed – I'm not a corpse in the morgue waiting for your opinion on the cause of death!”

Surprise registered in his eyes, and then as he carried on holding his hand, he stroked the back of it.

“Oh no, Oswald! I didn't mean it like that, I'm just trying to explain why your mind is coming up with this stuff, for example you always believed one day there would be a war coming to this city. It never came, but you had that thought in your head. I think your mind grabbed that when it tried to make sense of the accident.”

Oswald looked at him doubtfully.

“So now you think you're a psychiatrist?”

“No,” Ed said softly, “I'm just trying to help you, Oz,” then he started to smile,

“Have you got up today?”

Oswald cast him a look that said it all. He didn't see the point in getting up today.

“No?” Ed asked.

“What do _you_ think?” Oswald snapped.

Ed let go of his hand and got up, smiling warmly, still loving his dear old friend, loving him far deeper than Oswald realised, too – but this regret had only come about on the day he got the call about the accident and realised he could be losing Oswald. That had really shaken him up...And a shake up like that put a lot of things in their proper place, too... Even if he could tell no one about it, because Oswald was married to Jim now.

“I'm going to make myself useful and run you a warm bath,” Ed told him, “And then you can put on a nice clean robe and sit in the front room and keep Jim company.”

Oswald shot him a sour look and Ed smiled again.

“Jim loves you,” he reminded him, then went out of the room and crossed the hall and went into the bathroom, where he started running a warm bath for Oswald.

 

Jim was in the front room, the flowers were in a vase in the table. He had intended to take them to Oswald, but tiredness had got the better of him and he had laid down on the sofa and closed his eyes, and that five minutes rest had turned into a deep sleep, so deep, he didn't hear the water running as he rested, and Ed took over, without asking first...

 

“I can walk, Ed!” Oswald protested as Ed lifted him from the bed and into his arms.

“Not very well, though,” Ed reminded him as he felt heavy in his arms, “Oh dear.. you have put weight on since the accident, Oswald!”

Oswald looked down at his body cradled in Ed's arms, seeing his chubby, broad waistline, then he looked up at Ed as he wrapped his arms around his neck for support.

“I'm aware I got fat.”

“No, no, you look just fine,” Ed replied as he carried him from the room and into the bathroom, then he carefully set him down as Oswald cautiously put weight on his damaged leg that had become weaker since his months recovering in bed, and as he held on to Ed for support, Ed stripped off his dressing gown. Oswald's face flushed and Ed kept his gaze on his face as he helped him into the bath. Oswald sunk down into the warm water and gave a sigh as the heat took away aches from his bones.

“I'll wash you hair for you,” Ed told him, “And then I'll get you out of there, get you dry and style your hair. Maybe after that you can put your prosthetic eye in, does that sound like a good idea?”  
Oswald leaned back in the water, closing his eyes.

“Perhaps...” he said quietly.

Then Ed started to wash his hair and he couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips. Ed's touch was so light and gentle and soothing...

“After I lost my eye in the war -”

“It never happened, Oswald, there was no war,” Ed reminded him, working in the shampoo.

Oswald was recalling it vividly. At that moment he didn't care if Ed didn't believe him, he knew what felt real and this life in Jim's apartment did not...

“After I was wounded, we agreed to work together. _I don't know if I said we were like brothers, or lovers, Ed. I said one or the other...and you hugged me_.”

Ed had stopped shampooing his hair, his fingers were deep in the mix of shampoo and Oswald's silky locks, as he looked down at him.

“What... _what_ did you say?”

Oswald looked up at him.

“I said were... I think I said _lovers?_ If this is true, all of this here is some crazy dream. Maybe I'm still screaming with my eye blown out, maybe the war's still raging and I'm wounded and this is all a dream...”

Ed carefully rinsed his hair, hoping Oswald didn't notice his hands were shaking now.

“We have never had a conversation like _that_ , Oswald.”

Oswald's eyes were shut as he rinsed.

“I once said I loved you and you rejected me and -”

“Isabella, yes, yes, I know!” tension had briefly crept into his voice, “ All in the past, Oswald...”

Ed gave his hair a final rinse, now his hands were shaking badly.

“Let's get you out of that bath and then I'll dry your hair,” he told him.

 

Jim woke up sharply with a jolt. He could hear a hair dryer and there was a smell of bath oil and shampoo in the air... Had Oswald used the bathroom alone? Jim got up quickly, concerned his husband might lose his balance, thinking about wet tiles and hard falls and broke bones, then as he went up the hallway, he saw the bathroom door was open, and the last of the steam was dispersing. The hair dryer was blasting in Oswald's room. He walked in to find Oswald wrapped in a dark silk robe. Ed turned off the dryer, sprayed his hair then ran his fingers through to spike it as Oswald sat at the dressing table, looking into the mirror.

Ed placed his hands on his shoulders.

“I'll go and wash my hands and then I'll help you with your eye.”

Oswald looked up at him and smiled.

“Thank you, Ed,” he said, and the warmth in his voice was like a spike through Jim's heart.

“Jim” said Ed, turning in surprise, “I hope you don't mind, Oswald was a little bit sweaty and he needed a bath. I thought I'd help out,” he glanced back at Oswald, “You didn't mind, did you, Oz?”

He smiled warmly.

“Not at all, Ed.”

Jim took in a tight breath _. Nygma had been tending to his Oswald while he slept, bathing him - something intimate, something he had no right to do..._ He managed to see reason in time to not lose his temper as the thought came to him that yes, Oswald did need a bath, and he felt tired, so he guessed he should be glad of his help. Clearly to Ed, taking care of Oswald was not hard work at all...

Ed left the room and went into the bathroom. Oswald looked up at Jim.

“I'm so grateful for his help. And you needed a rest.”

Wow, he had said that so sweetly. There was not a trace of resentment in his gaze. Jealousy flickered inside him as he thought about how Ed had always been the one to bring out the best in Oz since the accident. Ed was the first person he managed to communicate with after the coma, the first person he had spoken to clearly, and the first person who had been able to pull him out of a very distressing moment when he had sobbed and cried and said this was not the real world... _Ed, always Ed..._ Then Jim saw how happy and comfortable Oswald felt, and he knew he had to be thankful for that.

Ed returned to the room and told Oswald to tilt his head back, and he slipped in his prosthetic eye with ease, then paused to adjust it, and he smiled warmly at Oswald as he shifted out of his field of vision, allowing him to see his reflection in the mirror.

“Better?” he asked with a smile.

Oswald's face glowed with a sudden radiant joy at seeing his reflection looking back to normal again, at least, as close as it could be to normal.

“Thank you, Ed,” he said gratefully.

“What do you think, Jim,” Ed added, “Does Oswald look good?”

“Yeah, you look just fine, Oz,” Jim promised him as he fought back the tears that threatened to crack his voice.

“I'll take him into the front room,” Ed told Jim, “Why don't you grab some pillows for him?”

“Right...” Jim replied, and as he went over to the bed, out of the corner of his eye he saw Oswald reach up for Ed as he lifted him into his arms, and that resentment was back again. As Ed carried him out of the room, Jim stood there for a moment with the pillows in his hands, shaking his head as he wondered, now whose reality was distorted? Maybe he was more out of touch with the real world than Oswald. For a split second, he had just pictured Oz and Ed kissing passionately behind his back.. Stress, that was what it had to be – any other explanation was too painful to think about...

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

Jim stayed busy while Ed spent two hours sitting with Oswald in the front room, only disturbing their conversation to bring tea and then check on Oswald, asking if he needed anything.

“I'm fine, Jim,” he replied, then he turned his attention back to Ed once more.

Jim had lingered in the hallway, listening. But all he heard was a confused Oswald ask about the war and who won, and why didn't the city look burned out any more? Then Ed explained all over again, _Because it didn't happen, Oz..._

Jim wanted something much stronger than coffee. But he couldn't get drunk, because even though he needed to lose a few hours and just not think and worry any more, Oswald needed him. He couldn't be drunk and caring for him, it wouldn't be right...

Jim went back to the kitchen, washed the dishes and cleaned the floor and then did the laundry, anything to keep out of the way, rather than walk in that front room and be hit with the feeling that he was in the way of that bond that Oswald and Nygma had always shared. Then he went back to his room and stood by the window, looking out at a city bright under summer sun. It hadn't rained for three weeks – something of a blessing in a city that always seemed to be under a rain cloud the rest of the year.

Then suddenly, the room felt too silent. Jim turned around, looking towards the empty double bed, recalling that last morning they had spent together, back when his husband was the Oswald he remembered, the guy who had smiled as he woken him with a kiss and he had taken him in his arms and made love to him. The weather had been warm and the sun bright, shining though the window set in a blue sky just like the sky today...Jim remembered every kiss, every touch, every sigh that escaped from Oswald's lips, even felt the tingle at the back of his head as he recalled his hand tangled there, pulling hard on his hair as the bliss of orgasm registered on his face and he said _Jim!_ sharply as his body trembled...

_They had spent that morning getting up very late after hours of simply being together, embracing, taking about their plans to sell the apartment because Jim was going to move in full time to the mansion with Oswald. Until then, his apartment, close to the GCPD, had been convenient, but the time had come to sell up. Jim had thought about renting it out, but the sale would bring more cash and he didn't want to move into the mansion full time with his cop's wage in his pocket alone, because although Oswald had said money wasn't important, it was to Jim. He wanted to be able to have cash behind him, he wanted to make it clear Oswald never had to pay for him._

_And then they had got up, showered together, made plans to go out and make the most of Jim's day off work. Oswald wasn't busy that day either, he had a gang members meeting two days from now, but nothing else to worry about. They were planning to simply enjoy their spare time together as they talked about the future._

_And then the guilt had weighed heavy again, the guilt of a secret too long kept. They had been in the front room, Oswald had got up and was about to reach for his cane, they were about to leave. And Jim had decided, no more secrets..._

“ _Oswald,” he had said._

_He turned back and looked at him._

“ _Yes, Jim?”_

_He hesitated, feeling every breath and the spaces between it as his heavy heart longed to lighten its load. They had a future together, he didn't want a lie between them, it didn't have to be this way. He just had to tell him, say that when they broke up, something had happened. They were back together now and he loved him with all his heart - and he had made a human mistake, that was all he needed to say:_

_I'm sorry Oz, I made a mistake while we split a while back, before we were married..._

_He took in a deep breath._

“ _Oswald, you... you know when we broke up?”_

_He smiled fondly as his eyes sparkled._

“ _You missed me every day, yes, I know! Let's not talk about the past, Jim.”_

“ _No... you need to hear this.”_

_Jim's voice was hushed. Oswald's smile vanished._

“ _What's this about?” he demanded._

“ _You know Barbara had a baby last year?”_

_Oswald shrugged._

“ _Yes, a little boy, what about it?”_

“ _Well, this is about the father...”_

_Oswald had his cane by now. He saw a deeply worried look in Jim's eyes and leaned hard on his cane as he hobbled over to him, then looked into his eyes._

“ _What's this about?” he laughed, “So tell me, Jim – who is the lucky father?”_

_Jim blinked back tears._

“ _I am.”_

_A shocked silence followed as Oswald stared at him._

“ _I'm sorry,” Jim added, “I'm really sorry, Oswald!”_

“ _No, this is a joke, this can't be true...”_

_Oswald fell silent, looking hard at Jim as his eyes filled with tears first and then building rage as he gripped his cane so hard his knuckled turned white._

“ _It happened when we split, before we were married, Oz! It was one night, a mistake! We wanted to tell you but it just got harder -”_

“ _To be truthful to the one you love?” Oswald sounded wounded as tear ran down his face, then rage took over, “You betrayed my trust! And you kept it secret?”_

“ _I'm sorry! And there's nothing between me and Barbara, I swear! I just couldn't keep it from you any longer, I wanted you to know.”_

“ _You could have told me months ago!” Oswald raged as his eyes flashed like blue fire._

“ _But... I didn't...I'm sorry!” Jim said tearfully._

“ _WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?” Oswald yelled as he lunged at him, slamming a fist into his face..._

_Jim hadn't even felt the pain of the blow as he crashed to the floor and they fought as he tried to hold him off and Oswald hit him again, and when he woke moments later, he was surprised to find the underworld king had not drawn the blade from his cane and slit his throat. Instead he had left him bleeding from the punches, and left._

_Jim had hurried from the apartment, he had tried to stop him from driving away. He still remembered the look in Oswald's eyes, the tears on his face as_ _he yelled that they were over, then drove off at a crazy speed, still sobbing..._

Jim didn't want to think about the collision, or those frightening hours he had spent at the hospital, thankful of Harvey's company, even thankful Ed had showed up, too...

The worst days of his life had been then, when Oswald had been clinging to life, and the doctors had said he would probably not make it, adding that if he did, there was no way of telling how the head injury would affect his life in the long term. He had surgery, they put him on life support and advised Jim not to leave his side. They said he stood very little chance of pulling through. Those days were still with him, in moments when he thought back and shed tears quietly. In many ways, that was the day _his_ Oswald had died. The man who came out of the coma was not Oswald as he used to know him, that man was gone forever... It felt like a slow grieving process even though Oz was alive and back home. This confused and often aggressive person he took care of was not the man he married any more...

_But he still loved him._

He felt caught between weeping for the Oswald he had lost, or giving thanks to god that Oswald had defied death despite the odds. In darker moments, Jim wondered if this was his punishment, not that what he had done had been wrong in any true sense – at the time, he and Oswald had split up and were free to see who ever they chose to see – but his mistake had been not telling him about the baby. That was what had triggered that chain of terrible events. Jim had lost count of the times he had wondered why it had to be Oswald who had suffered for his lack of courage to admit the truth. Perhaps at the time he would have reacted with anger, perhaps he would have yelled in his face and told him to go back to Barbara, maybe he would have lost him back then... But surely it would have been better for Oz to have walked away with a broken heart instead of being on that couch, unable to function without help, with a damaged mind?

Jim thought back to that day when, still numbed with shock, he had sat at his bedside in ICU and held on to his hand, tearfully vowing that if he could change places with him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

_That had been a year ago._

Jim had given up his job to spend every hour possible with Oswald, and now he was home, as hard as it was to take care of him, he wanted to do this. Sometimes when she could, Barbara came over. She had even brought their son over and Oswald, with no memory of the quarrel, had held that little boy and smiled. That was the day Jim felt as if his heart was being torn out. He had even said what a lovely little boy Barbara had... Barbara had said there was no harm in doing that, Oswald liked their son, he was great with kids and little Johnny made him smile. _That's not the point,_ Jim had said, before Barbara had shot him a cold glare and reminded him he spent more time with Oswald than he did with his own son. _And so I should at this time!_ Jim had replied angrily...

Looking after Oswald was tough. It was heartbreaking and difficult and... _Ed Nygma made it look so easy._ Every time he came to call, Oswald found some new kind of grip on reality, and when it slipped, a quiet word from Ed set him back on track. Jim wasn't jealous of that, he just wished he could do it like Ed did, but for some reason he couldn't work out, Ed seemed to have a calming effect on him, something Jim was yet to master...

“ _Jim?”_

He turned to the door on hearing Ed's voice.

“I'm leaving now,” he added, “Oswald wanted to go back to bed and he insisted on walking, I had to help him but he made it okay. I said I might stop tomorrow and take him out for a drive around the city?”

Alarm registered on Jim's face.

“No, he's not well enough Ed.”

Ed looked at him in surprise.

“Oh Jim, you have to stop being so protective. I understand, I really do – but he needs to get out of here and get some fresh air. I might take him back to the mansion for the day?”

Jim felt a prickle of resentment as he looked hard at Ed, who was currently living at the mansion, taking care of the place while Oswald was at the apartment, simply because he coped better in a smaller place while his mobility was limited. Jim wanted to say, _but that's supposed to be our home..._ but he held it back. Ed was still speaking.

“He's quite safe with me, I hope you know that,” he adjusted his glasses, stiffening a little as he stood there, sensing hostility, “Just because I have issues doesn't make me a dangerous person, Jim. I take my meds. I keep Riddler under control these days. Oswald is very safe with me.”

“Okay,” Jim said, even though a single word of agreement stuck hard in his throat as he voiced it, _“I might come with you.”_

Ed smiled.

“That's a great idea! Yes, the three of us should go home, see how Oswald feels to be back there... I'll call you.” Then Ed gave him a bright smile and walked away.

Moments later, the door of the apartment closed and Jim breathed a heavy sigh. Oswald wasn't ready to go home yet, the place was too big for someone with his mobility problems, and he refused to use a wheelchair, insisting he could manage with his cane. The stairs would be too much for him. But, Ed wasn't wrong, he needed to get out more...

 

A while later, Oswald was woken by a heavy closing of the apartment door. He turned his head looking to the window and checked the view, and still he didn't see Gotham on fire. The city looked as it always had despite the dreams that told him otherwise...

The bedroom door opened and Jim looked in.

“Oswald, Harvey's here.”

He glared sharply at Jim as memories flooded back, this time from a past he knew had happened for sure... He could still remember the deafening blast of that gun fired close to his ear before Jim had pushed him into the river...

“Is he here to plot to kill me?” he asked coldly.

“Of course not!” Jim replied.

Just then Harvey joined him, looking into the room.

“Hi Oswald,” he said, “How are you today? I bought pizza, do you want some?”

“No thank you!” he said sharply, and he rested against his pillow, closing his eyes.

“Okay, I'll leave you to rest, Oswald,” Harvey said, then he and Jim went back up the hallway to the front room.

The door was still open. Oswald opened his one good eye and listened, as their voices drifted in from another room:

“You look exhausted,”Harvey said, “You know what you should do, Jim?”

“No, I'm not, I don't even want to mention that, it's out of the question,” Jim replied.

Harvey spoke again.

“You need a fucking break!” he exclaimed, “You won't be any good to Oswald if you're worn out. Why don't you put him in Arkham for a couple of days? It's not like it used to be, and he could get some therapy -”

“ _He's not crazy!”_

“I'm not saying he is, but Jim, he needs help with coming to terms with what happened. And they can help him with other stuff too, help him get back on his feet properly. They have really good facilities there – not just psychiatric – they can help him physically recover. A couple of days a week there might do him a lot of good.”

Jim said something in reply Oswald didn't catch it as he broke into a cold sweat, laying there as memories of his time in that place – which Jim had already assured him were not imagined – came back to haunt him. He recalled the days when Strange had run that place, and the torture he had gone through... _Jim wanted to put him in Arkham?_

He sat up a little too fast and felt dizzy as he grabbed his phone, then he searched his call list and found the number of Ethan, his grown up son. His heart was racing as he called him, looking to the doorway and listening as Harvey changed the subject in the next room, now talking about pizza toppings. The phone rang, then went to voicemail. As he heard the beep, Oswald drew in a tight breath, keeping his voice low.

“ _Ethan... I need your help. Jim wants to put me in Arkham, I heard him say it! Get over here!”_

He ended the call and put the phone back, taking care to leave it in the same position as before. Then he listened, still sweating and now shaking too as Harvey started talking about work, and bring Jim up to speed on all he had missed out on since leaving the GCPD.

“ _Of course you'd tell him that... put me in Arkham and you can go back to being a cop...”_ Oswald said in a low voice, _“You won't get away with this, Jim. My son won't let that happen!”_

 

After Harvey left, Jim looked in on Oswald, who turned his back when Jim touched his shoulder and carried on sleeping. Satisfied that Oz was comfortable, Jim quietly left the room to grab a shower. As soon as the door closed, Oswald turned over, setting his sights on his phone as it lit up. He had a message from his son:

_On my way now. Be with you very soon. Don't worry, Dad._

He breathed a relieved sigh as he put the phone down, then he sat up, tightened his robe and carefully got out of bed, reaching for his cane. Making his way to the bedroom door was difficult as his leg ached deeply all the way from knee to ankle. He was still unsteady and the damaged leg had weakened since the accident because he had spent so much time in bed. But he had to get to the front door before Jim...

As he paused to lean against the wall for support, the doorbell rang. Oswald looked back, hearing water running in the shower, the sound was muffled, the door was closed. His heart was racing as he thought about the impact of the grenade:

_How could that have not been real? How could pain like that, so deep and burning be nothing more than a dream? He knew what the sound of his own screaming was like, he knew how the force of the explosion had ripped his eye apart... He wasn't crazy. Jim was a liar..._

He limped forward and reached for the door like it was his only hope of escape. As he opened it wide, he looked pale and tearful.

“ _Get me away from here, son!”_ he said in a shaken voice.

Ethan stood there, slim and blonde wearing a black suit with a purple tie. He stared at the sight of his tearful father, then he came in quickly, closing the door quietly and placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. His first thought was the last time he and Jim had clashed, after the accident, when Jim had sat down and wept and told him everything. The fact that Jim had still not reminded his Dad of the full facts that had caused the accident sent a ripple of rage through his body as he stood there, looking reassuringly into his Dad's eyes, one sighted, the other glass.

“Tell me everything!” Ethan said in a low voice.

“I heard Jim talking to Harvey about putting me in Arkham! You have to get me out of here, son! I can't stand up for much longer, I feel weak...”

Ethan put an arm around his shoulder and helped him into the front room, then over to the couch.

“Just sit here, Dad,” he said, “I'll handle this...” his eyes narrowed as he took a step towards the doorway.

“JIM!” he yelled, “GET IN HERE NOW!”

 

Jim had just got out of the shower and barely had the chance to get dry when he heard a voice demanding his presence, a voice he knew well – Ethan Cobblepot... What the hell was Oswald's son doing here today? He had happily said a few days back that he would stop by at the weekend, but he today, he didn't sound in the best of moods, and this wasn't the weekend...

As Jim wrapped a towel around his waist he recalled how Ethan had responded to news of his father's accident. At first he had been tearful and worried. Then when he had heard the full story, he had lunged at Jim, who had wrapped his arm behind his back and pinned him to a wall, telling him to calm the fuck down or get the fuck out, because Oswald was badly hurt and now wasn't the time for starting a fight... He had soon let go when Ethan loudly complained he was breaking his arm, and then the two of them had sat down, at a distance from each other and openly wept. Since then, the two of them had struggled to get along, but had managed, for Oswald's sake. Clearly, something had happened for Ethan show up here, sounding so furious...

Water was still dripping from Jim's hair as he hurried out of the bathroom to find Ethan pacing the hallway, he shot him an angry glare then went back into the front room as Jim followed.

“What the hell is going on?” he demanded.

Then he saw Oswald sitting on the sofa, he was leaning back, looking exhausted and... _fearful_ as he looked at him? _Not again. Jim could only imagine what crazy hallucination was going through his mind this time..._

“Don't pretend you know nothing!” Oswald said coldly as ice returned to his eyes and in that moment, he looked like the underworld leader he used to be, “You're _not_ sending me to Arkham, Jim! I heard everything you and Harvey said!”

 _Arkham?_ Jim was briefly confused. Then he remembered... _Oswald had heard that? Oh god, no..._

“Oswald, it's not what you think -”

His view of Oswald was blocked by Ethan, who stood between Jim and the couch where his father sat as he leaned in, glaring at Jim.

“You are _not_ putting my Dad in Arkham!” he said sharply, and he gave Jim a light shove, then stepped close again, up in his face.

“Don't turn this into a fight,” Jim warned, remembering Oswald was still healing and didn't need this stress, “It's not how it seems -”

“Oh sure, _please Mr Liar,_ spin _another_ of your tales! I know you too well!”

Jim felt a flicker of alarm. It wasn't exactly Ethan that worried him. He could fight him and win, he knew it, too. It was the potential damage his words could have that scared him, because Oswald was yet to recall the reason why they had quarrelled before the crash...

“Let me explain – _don't_ get up in my face -” Jim held up his hands, “Back off, Ethan! Harvey came over and he said, maybe Oswald would benefit from having some therapy - _physical_ therapy – at Arkham's rehabilitation unit! He wasn't talking about me having him committed to psychiatric care!”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Jim said angrily, “Really, Ethan... where the fuck did this crazy idea come from?” he looked sharply at Oswald, “Did you tell him what Harvey said, and he got the wrong idea?”

Oswald tensed as he shook his head.

“No, Jim,” he said in a hushed voice, “I got it wrong. At least, I hope I did. _I wouldn't blame you for wanting to get rid of me, I'm not the man I used to be!_ ”

His voice had dissolved into tears. Jim stepped forward but Ethan was there first, sitting on the couch and pulling his Dad into a protective embrace.

“It's okay, I'm here,” he said as he comforted him, then he looked up at Jim and that gaze was pure daggers. He hadn't forgotten the cause of the accident. Jim wasn't surprised about it, either.

“I would never do that to you, Oswald,” Jim said, watching as Ethan comforted him,. “Please listen to me - I would never put you in that place. I know it's changed a lot and it's not just a psychiatric establishment any more, but I understand the bad memories the place holds for you. I would never hurt you like that, _never!_ ”

Oswald didn't look up. Ethan still had his arm around him as he gave his shoulder a comforting rub.

“Would you like to come and stay with me for a while, Dad?”  
“You couldn't handle him, you wouldn't last day!” Jim said angrily, as a spike of fear shot through his heart at the thought of Oswald's son taking him away. Yes it was hard to live with his problems, but he _loved_ him!

Oswald blinked away tears and then turned his head, focusing on his son.

“Did.. did you find Edward?” he asked, “I still can't find my dog...”

“You don't have a dog,” Ethan said gently.

Oswald glared at him.

“ _Yes I do, he's a bulldog, his name is Edward!”_ suddenly real, piercing fear came to his gaze as he gripped his son's arms tightly.

“You can't stay here, the city isn't safe, it's burning!”

Ethan looked at him in confusion.

“No, no it's not, Dad.”

“ _Yes it is!”_ Oswald let go of his son, then leaned on the chair as he got up, limping hard as he pushed past Jim and indicated to the window.

“Look!”

“I am looking,”Jim replied, “There's no fire, Oz.”

Oswald looked out, seeing the city in darkness as the bridges fell. Then he blinked and sky was blue, the sun was bright and all the buildings were intact. He slowly shook his head.

“This is a trick!”

“No...” Jim reached for him just as he stumbled, and he steadied him , keeping a hand on his arm as Oswald leaned close to him, feeling caught again between two realities.

“You can come home with me if you want to, Dad,” Ethan reminded him, then he shot an icy glance at Jim, “It's up to him, _not_ you!”

“You can't cope with him,” Jim warned.

“I'll decide that!” Ethan said angrily as he rose from his seat, “Dad? Do you want me to help you pack some things?”

Tiredness swept over him as Oswald stood there, aching and feeing weak and weary. He needed his bed. He gave a small shake of his head.

“I just want to rest, son. I'm sure Jim is telling the truth...” he gave a shrug, “I don't even know what's real any more. I should go back to bed.”

“And I'll help you,” Ethan said, then he put his arm around Oswald, who leaned on him heavily as he left the room.

Jim took in a slow breath, trying to kill all urge to lose his temper and slam a fist into the wall. He was doing his best for Oswald, _why_ wasn't it enough?

 

Jim lingered in the hallway. Ethan came out of his Dad's room and struggled to look him in the eye.

“I guess I got it wrong.”

“Of course you did!” Jim exclaimed, “I would never put Oswald in Arkham! If he wanted to go there for a couple of days a week for his physical rehabilitation, sure, I'd say that's for the best – but I know he can never go back there, not after what Strange did to him all those years ago.”

“And it wasn't your idea,” Ethan reminded him, sounding as cool and calm as he now looked, regarding him with little emotion, “Harvey came up with this idea, yes? “

“Harvey didn't mean any harm, it was a suggestion - which I turned down right away.”

Ethan regarded him coldly.

“Maybe Harvey should stay away form my Dad,” he replied darkly, “Who knows what kind of upset he could cause? I _won't_ have my Dad upset, he's got a long recovery ahead of him.”

“It won't happen again,” Jim told him.

Ethan opened up the door and shot him another an icy glance.

“It had better not!” he said, and that sounded more like a threat. Then the door closed, and Oswald's son was gone.

Jim breathed another heavy sigh, then he went through to the kitchen and started making some tea for Oswald, hoping to talk to him about the misunderstanding and finally clear the air.

 

Over at the mansion, Ed Nygma was busy. He smiled as he laid fresh covers on the bed in the main bedroom, then arranged pillows comfortably. He was shopping to persuade Oswald to stay over to prove to Jim that he was ready to come home. He guessed then Jim would move back in and sell the apartment, but if he was good enough to both of them, maybe he wouldn't be expected to leave...

He thought about what Oswald had said, that crazy dream... _Brothers or lovers?_ He had been stunned how high and how hard and fast his hopes had soared on hearing those words, even though Oz was married to Jim and despite the cause of the accident, was still married it him. Oswald didn't know about that yet. He didn't remember. Ed felt he had a right to know _exactly_ why that crash had happened. But to say it now seemed like trying to come between them and although he knew he could be ruthless, Jim and Oz needed each other...

He opened up a window to let in some air and then placed a vase of flowers next to the bed. Soon, Oswald would be coming home and hopefully, he would want to stay, maybe returning to his family home would help him recover, too...

“ _I know who will help him recover,”_ Ed said aloud, and he smiled as he looked down at the bulldog puppy sitting snug in his regal bed on the other side of the room, _“You will do him a lot of good, little Edward!”_

The puppy yawned and rolled over and closed his eyes, lazily slumbering in the soft bed. Jim had warned him against doing or saying anything to reinforce his fantasies – but what harm would a dog do? He didn't have a dog called Edward before, only in his other reality, but maybe knowing he now did, in the real world, might give him something to smile about. Ed didn't see that as feeding his hallucinations, this was a gift...

 

By late evening as darkness fell, the apartment was warm and cosy in soft lamplight as Jim went into Oswald''s room.

“Are you awake?”

Oswald had his back to him, and he gave a small nod.

Jim sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair and thankfully Oswald didn't push him away.

“You want to go home tomorrow, see the mansion?”

Oswald turned around.

“I miss home. I want to go back.”

Jim's gaze softened .

“You should have said so, we can do that any time you want, Oswald.”

“I want to go home so much,” he added as his eye became tearful, “I miss it, Jim!”

“Then we'll go tomorrow, I'll pack up some of our stuff and we'll move into the mansion, together as see how you cope. Does that sound good?”

Oswald gave a slight sniff as he nodded then blinked away tears.

“But you will need me or Ed to help you with the stairs,” Jim reminded him.

“I'm sure I'll learn to cope!

Oswald had said that a little too sharply.

Jim leaned closer, running his fingers through his hair again. The sensation brought a flicker of a smile to Oswald's lips.

“Jim,” he said as he looked up at him, “Sometimes when you touch me I think I remember...but I can't keep hold of it, the memories slip away.”

“Maybe one day, they won't,” Jim said hopefully as he smiled down at him.

Then he noticed Oswald's glass eye was missing.

“Did Ethan help you take the eye out before he left?” he asked.

“No, I took it out myself before I went back to bed,” Oswald replied.

Jim felt a glow in his heart. It was the little things, the tiny achievements that seemed such big victories as Oswald learned how to cope with life all over again. Moments like this gave him hope.

“Can I hold you?” he asked softly.

Oswald shifted over, and as Jim laid on top of the covers, the space where Oswald had been resting felt warm and carried his scent. Jim put his arms around him and held him close, pulling him in for a tender kiss on his cheek, and as Oswald closed his eyes there was a flicker of a smile about his lips. Now Jim felt real hope. He knew from bitter experience the lucid moments rarely lasted, but right now Oswald felt as if he was coming back to him slowly, piece by piece, and if he was wrong about that and he woke in the night screaming about a grenade or lunged angrily, accusing him of sending him to jail for ten years, Jim wouldn't cry. There was still hope, Oswald was still in there somewhere, the man he knew and loved – and he wouldn't rest until he was back to stay. Oswald's recovery had become his life's mission. He would do this, he would have him back, and Oswald would make a full recovery. There was no room for doubt, because Jim was thinking with his heart, and feeling sure he could do this, because nothing was stronger than love, and maybe, it really would be enough, if he worked at it every day and never, ever gave up hope...

Jim shifted closer to him, kissing the back of his neck. Oswald was curled up beside him, his back turned, and feeling broad and round thanks to the extra pounds he had put on during his long recovery.

“Was that nice?” Jim whispered.

“Hmm...” Oswald murmured.

Jim paused for thought as he looked to the dark skies beyond the window... maybe, Oswald wanted company tonight.

“I'd like to sleep in here with you.”

Oswald turned over and looked at him.

“Can we sleep in our bed, Jim?”

Those words went straight to his heart as he started to smile.

“Sure we can. I've missed you in our bed, Oz.”

Jim turned on the light. Oswald sat up and folded the covers back, then reached for his cane.

“I can manage,” he said, and every step from the bedroom, although not as slow as it used to be, was fragile as Oswald took his time, pausing to press a hand to the wall and then to the door as he and Jim went from the spare room to the main bedroom.

 

Everything felt still and precious, every sound almost holy, a blessing to Jim's ears as Oswald turned back the covers and got heavily into bed and laid back. As Jim joined him the moonlight spilled through the window as he turned on his side and smiled at his husband.

“I know you sometimes forget,” he said softly as he gently toyed with a spike of his raven black hair, “But I love you Oz, even when you hate me and accuse me of things I haven't done. I want you to know I'll always take that from you, because I love you. Never think that will change.”

The glow of the moon made Oswald look beautiful by its silver light as it spilled in through the window, even his empty eye socket was soft in its glow as his pale eye looked up at him, reflecting the shine of the silver light. Jim said nothing for a moment, stroking his hair as he looked his lover, naked on the bed with the covers off his chubby, heavy body that looked soft by moonlight. Soft and warm... Jim claimed his mouth with a kiss as he pulled him closer, giving his broad waist a gentle squeeze.

“I know I'm fat,” Oswald whispered between kisses.

Jim smiled.

“You just got bigger. I like it, Oswald... I love your curves...”

Oswald drew in a quick breath, closing his eyes as his fingers tangled in Jim's hair and they kissed again. Jim's hand had slid between Oswald's thick thighs, closing over his slowly hardening cock.

“Do you feel ready to make love?” he asked.

Oswald hesitated, he knew how weak he was, barely managing a few steps about the small apartment. Jim's hand, or his loving mouth, was about all he could handle right now...

“No, not yet...”

There was a half smile about Jim's lips as his eager his fingers touched his hair again, and it felt like touching silk.

“Than tell me exactly what you want me to do to you, Oswald....Don't be shy.”  
His cock was hard in his hand as he spoke urgently.

“ _Suck me, Jim!”_ he whispered.

Hearing such need in his voice was enough for Jim to slide beneath the covers immediately, cutting away from all conversation, Oswald needed him, so he would have him down there, sucking on his cock.

“ _Oh...”_ Oswald gave a gasp, _“Jim, yes...”_

Jim was deeply sucking his cock, taking him all the way down, then keeping his mouth closed around his shaft as he drew back, and took him in all the way again. His gentle sucking soon became harder, as Oswald gripped his hair and pulled it tight in his fist as he neared climax. He thrust against his face, still gripping his hair as he gave a low, soft moan and filled Jim's mouth. Jim swallowed twice, then sucked again, swallowing that last little river of white that always ran from his leaking cock after the last throb following a hard orgasm. He kissed over his body, pressing his face against his chubby belly and lingering there as he whispered he loved the look of him bigger, while his hands stroked at his broad hips, and it felt like life was starting anew, with hope washing away all despair. He took Oswald in his arms again, and they lay close and warm, falling asleep quickly in room washed silver by a round full moon that watched like a silent voyeur, set up there in the inky, clear night Gotham skies.

_But the city was burning. In Oswald's dreams, he stood with a gun in his hand watching in disbelief as the bridges fell. He could smell the smoke and feel the heat of the fire. Then a cell door slammed shut behind him._

_Ten years to rot in Blackgate because of Jim Gordon..._

Oswald sat up sharply, as Jim woke with a jolt to see him glaring down at him.

“ _Ten years, Jim?”_ he fumed as his hand reached for his throat.

Jim grabbed his wrist, then caught the other one as Oswald, in his weakened state, was no match for him as they struggled, then Oswald was on his back and Jim had him pinned.

“You were dreaming!” he said sharply.

Oswald looked up at him in bewilderment, then looked to the window. Through the glass the night sky was clear and in the distance, the city was bathed in moonlight and there was not a single glow of fire anywhere...

“ _Sorry!”_ Oswald whispered.

Jim let go of him and as he laid down beside him, Oswald turned on his side, away from him, closing his eyes again, answering to the call of sleep at once. But Jim lay awake all night long, watching over him, wondering if Oswald would still see him as the enemy when morning came...

  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

Jim felt weary when morning came. The night had been a restless one for Oswald, as he turned in his sleep and grabbed at the covers, then pushed Jim away as he murmured words he could not catch. Jim had managed to sleep at 5 am, and that sleep was broken by seven am, as Oswald gave a gasp and sat up. All thoughts of more rest were gone as Jim sat up too and Oswald looked at him sharply.

“ _You betrayed me!”_ he said as rage rose like fire in his sighted eye.

Jim looked back him saying nothing. At a time like this, if he had suddenly remembered the truth about the baby, Jim would have agreed with him and apologised for breaking his heart. Anything would be better than to see him like this, scarred and partly blinded, confused because of the damage the accident had caused...

“I did not put you in Blackgate for ten years,” Jim stated.

Oswald's mind was a swirl of confusion. The city wasn't at war, he could tell by one look out the window... but everything had been so real, he had just relived ten long years behind bars, put there because of Jim...

“It was nightmare,” Jim said softly, and Oswald tensed as he touched his shoulder, then Jim kissed his cheek and got out of bed, ready to start another tiring day.

 

Oswald insisted on taking a shower alone that morning, as Jim waited anxiously outside the bathroom door, out of sight as he tried to keep an eye on him. He thought about the hard floor, how unsteady his husband was... but Oswald had sharply said, _Don't touch me, Jim!_ when he had offered to help, as the bad dreams stayed sharp in his mind, blurring the lines of reality. As he heard the tap of Oswald's cane Jim hurried back to the kitchen to cook breakfast. Oswald didn't join him, so when the food was ready, he put it on a tray and took it to his room, where he stopped, standing there in the door way, watching as Oswald sat on the bed and struggled to put on his shoes. He was dressed, his suit was on, his shirt was buttoned up but his jacket was open and his tie was a mess. His hands shook with the effort as he tried and failed and cursed under his breath as he tried to push his damaged foot into his shoe for a second time.

“Let me help you, Oz,” Jim put the tray down next to the bed.

“ _No thank you, Jim!”_ Oswald said sharply, looking up at him as anger blazed in his sighted eye. He had also put in his glass eye, and with his hair styled and his monocle in place, he had managed to do much more than he usually did in the mornings.

“But you're struggling -”

Oswald dropped his shoe and looked hard at Jim.

“I can cope! Now leave me alone, I want to get dressed. Ed will be here soon, Leave me alone, Jim!”

_Ed again. Here he was, thinking Oswald was starting to relearn skills because of love and patience – no, he wanted to do what, look good for Nygma? That thought hurt more than the way Oswald had spat his name like it was poison..._ Jim swallowed down his anger, it was easy to do, because all he had to recall was the day of the crash and then hours later, when Oswald was out of surgery and the doctor saying he wasn't expected to survive. Oz was still here. It really didn't matter if he hated him sometimes over a combination of amnesia and the confusion brought about by the nightmares his mind had created to fill in the blanks. All that mattered was the fact that Oswald was still alive. Jim had once said, in those dark and scary days after the accident, that he just wanted Oswald to live, that he would accept him any way this accident left him, no matter how bad it was. It could have been worse, he knew that...

“Okay Oswald,”Jim said, “I'll leave you to get ready, take your time.”

As he left the room, there was that familiar knock on the door. It was enthusiastic, it was a happy knock. It was Ed, who couldn't wait to see Oswald...

“I bet you won't want to see him, not the way he is this morning!” Jim said in a low voice, then he went up to the door and opened it.

“Good morning!” Ed said with a bright smile “Is Oswald ready to leave or am I early?”

“You're early, “Jim replied, stepping back as he came in, “He's in the bedroom.. the _main_ bedroom, you can go straight in...”

“Thanks,” Ed told him, and he walked off.

Jim watched as walked away, guessing that was perhaps it was a little childish to wait for the reaction to the news that he and Oswald were sharing a bedroom again... if he had resented it, he hadn't showed it, there had not been the slightest flicker about his eyes to suggest he was jealous... Jim went up the hallway just as Ed walked into the bedroom. Jim paused and listened:

“ _Good morning, Oswald!” Ed said warmly, “Oh... I see you're having some problems?”_

“ _Really Ed, it's nothing... I can do it, my hands are shaking...slowing me_ _down.”_

“ _That's because you're still unsteady and I bet you didn't get enough sleep last night! Let me help you, Oswald, I'll get you dressed and then you can have breakfast before we leave.”_

_There was a pause._

“ _Thanks, Ed...”_

Jim felt his heart sink then he gave a sigh as he shook his head, wondering why he had hoped Ed would have walked out of that room feeling unable to cope... He had always known Oswald and Ed had shared a close relationship, their friendship had always been on the brink of more, and even now, he saw him as a threat when he knew he probably had nothing to worry about. But he had seen the state of Nygma on the day of the accident - it had been almost midnight by the time he had heard the news, and Oswald had been out of surgery for two hours. Ed had barely been able to speak as he entered the room and saw him lying there, then he had rushed to his side held his hand, pressed the back of it to his lips and carried on holding his hand as he wept. He had spoken from his heart too, saying, _I thought Oswald was indestructible, I never thought something like this would happen.. maybe a gangland shooting, but a fucking car accident?_ He had looked tearfully at Jim, shaking his head as if this was a riddle he would never solve,  _Oswald is a legend!_ He had told him, _Legends don't die like this, he can't die like this, he's Penguin!_

And then he had carried on sitting there, clinging to his hand, oblivious to the fact that Oz was Jim's husband. Ed had sat there for hours, willing him to hold on as Jim had wondered, was Nygma in love with him? But he had been too numbed by shock over the accident to dwell too much on such thoughts, he had simply pulled up a chair the other side of Oswald's bed and they had both sat with him, throughout the night. And Ed hadn't stopped crying until morning...

Jim pushed aside thoughts of the past as he finished his coffee and then waited. A short while later, Oswald walked out of the bedroom with Ed, and Ed had an arm around him, purely to assure him that he would keep him steady as he took slightly faltering steps and leaned hard on his cane. His suit was immaculate, his tie was straightened, his shoelaces were tied and Oswald looked his usual, well groomed self.

“Are you coming with us, Jim?” Ed asked.

Jim forced a smile. _Damned right I am_ , he thought silently.

“Yes, of course,” he replied, managing to stay polite.

They left the apartment together. Ed couldn't stop smiling. Jim noticed. He also noticed how from the apartment to the street to the car, Ed was constantly at his side. He kept talking to him about the mansion and how he had been taking care of the place in his long absence. And Oswald didn't once have a moment of confusion.

“Let me help you with your seat belt,” Ed said, leaning in the passenger side.

Jim stepped in.

“It's okay, Ed, you can get in the car now, I can take care of Oswald.”

Oswald looked up at him.

“My seat belt is just fine, thank you,” he replied, and he gave Jim a small smile.

Jim got in the back with Oswald and Ed started up the car.

“I'm looking forward to going home, I think it's time,” Oswald said, giving Jim another smile as Jim felt his hopes rise once again.

But once they got the to mansion, _everything_ was about change...

 

When they arrived, Oswald's mood instantly brightened to be back in familiar surroundings. Again, Jim felt as if he had a small piece of his Oswald back – and he sincerely hoped it would stay that way. Ed was bright and cheerful as he led them into the house, and straight to the front room, where Oswald hobbled over to his favourite chair and sat down. Jim had chugged too much coffee that morning to make up for his lack of sleep and went off to the bathroom to pee, while Ed told Oswald to stay in the front room, because he had had surprise for him...

As Ed left the room, Oswald looked around fondly at the familiar surroundings - he was back in the family home once more – a home he had to fight for with blood on his hands to take over after his father's death – but this home held memories of the old days, all events good and bad that he had been assured were real and did happen... He felt relaxed here, as if the demons of the past that came out of the darkness at the back of his mind to fill his nights with horrible dreams, had no control here while he was surrounded by memories, comfort and the warmth his family home could bring...

 

While Jim was absent, Ed returned to the room and placed a warm, furry bundle in Oswald's arms.

“Here's your surprise,” he softly, “I got a you a puppy, Oswald. I called him Edward, he seems to like it, too.”

Oswald held the bulldog puppy as tears of joy came to his eyes.

“You found Edward! Thank you _so_ much!”

“No, the other dog was part of your dream, Oswald. This Edward is real. He's a bulldog puppy and I bought him for you, from a dog breeder. So I didn't have to search for him, and he's not the dog from your false memories. He's your new puppy.”

As Oswald held him, Edward sniffed and then licked his face, snuggling in his arms as Oswald held him, looking at Ed in surprise.

“He looks like my Edward.”

Ed smiled.

“And he is, he's your puppy, a gift from me.”  
Despite his constant reminders, Oswald's eyes shone with gratitude as if everything he had just said had not been heard.

“Thank you for finding Edward for me, I knew he was real!” Oswald gave the dog's ears a scratch, “Daddy loves you so much, Edward!” he said as the puppy lay comfortable in his arms.

“But Oswald, I just said, he's not -”

“Come here, Ed!”

Oswald held the puppy in one arm as he held the other out to Ed, who was only too glad to lean over and embrace him tightly.

“ _I love you so much, Edward,”_ Oswald said, his voice full of emotion as he looked down at the puppy and gave Ed a hug too.

Jim had just returned to the room. He stood there feeling shocked at the sight of Ed embracing a very emotional Oswald who had just told him he loved him.. it felt like all his worse fears had come true, then Ed stepped back as Jim realised it was not as it seemed. Of course Ed and Oz had not been sharing an emotional embrace because they were in love – he had just realised how paranoid he had become, too. But it seemed there was a bigger problem now than his insecure mind...

“Ed got me a dog! He found Edward, Jim – look!”

“No, I bought you a puppy,” Ed reminded him gently as Oswald smiled as he fussed over the small bulldog in his arms.

“Can I have a word?” Jim asked as he struggled to hold back his temper.

“Sure,”Ed replied, and they left Oswald to cuddle his little Edward while they went out of the room and Jim softly shut the door behind him, giving himself a silent reminder that Oswald did _not_ need the stress of hearing a quarrel...

“Oswald is not supposed to do anything that could reinforce the nightmares or his belief in them,” Jim said, glaring at him as he kept his voice low, “And you gave him a dog called Edward?”

Ed stiffened as met his gaze, remaining calm and making his reply as simple and clear as possible before Jim really lost his temper.

“I am fully aware that we must reinforce the truth to Oswald whenever he's confused by the false recollections,” he replied, “And on giving him Edward, I did remind him more than once that I purchased this puppy for him. _What is your problem?_ ”

That last question had been hissed under his breath, hanging off the brink of impending aggression as he had asked rather darkly, in defence of Oswald as he glared at Jim.

“He can't keep the dog, it could be a trigger for his dreams, it could reinforce his belief in his nightmares -”

“The part about the dog holds no bad memories for Oswald,” Ed told him, stepping closer, “And to be able to love this dog and be reminded he belongs here in reality, may help him to distinguish better between fantasy and reality. Or don't you get that part, Jim?”

“The dog is staying,” confirmed a familiar voice.

Jim turned to see Oswald's son Ethan, who had just come down from upstairs, and he had smile on his face as he looked at Jim.

“Let's not be awkward about this, Jim. Try and understand you're not the only one who has my Dad's best interests at heart. It really would be better if we could work together, and that means agreeing instead of fighting?”

Jim looked from Ethan to Ed and gave a sigh. He hoped they were both right about this, but he was outnumbered on this matter and quarrelling wouldn't do anyone any good – least of all Oswald. And then there was the fact that the dog made him happy...

“Okay,” he said, “We'll do it your way. But it doesn't mean I'm happy about it and if anything goes wrong, if this makes him worse, I'll hold you both responsible!”

 

The arrival of Edward the puppy had certainty brightened Oswald's day. While he and Jim took the puppy outside on a leash, and Ethan tagged along to remind Jim frequently how well his Dad looked today and how happy he was with his dog, Ed stayed behind, preparing lunch and taking some time to be alone with his thoughts. Now the house was quiet again, it was one of those still moments when he could reflect.

His thoughts went straight to Oswald, and the two most painful days of his life:

The first had been when Oz had married Jim. He had been invited to the wedding, but the night before he had drowned his sorrows over loving someone too much and too late to do a damned thing about it and woken up the next morning too hung over to get out of bed. He had called them later and blamed a stomach bug for not attending. To this day, neither man knew the truth...

The second worst day, the most terrible day, had been the day of Oswald's accident. Ed had felt as if his heart had been ripped out. He had openly wept at his beside, he had refused to leave his side. He hadn't cared if this was a huge clue to how he really felt, he was in shock and devastated and just wanted Oswald to be okay. That was the second time life cruelly reminded him that he never should have turned down the man who once told him that he loved him, because that love he rejected would eventually become the love his heart craved, cried for and screamed out in silence, in useless, helpless, pointless silence, every single day. Ed lived with regret all the time. Silent, secret regret, because what would be the point of saying it now when Oswald was happy with Jim?

_But yes, he did love him._

_And he wanted to be there for him to help him recover._

_It was all he could do to show him his love..._

Jim didn't have a clue how much it meant to him to come over and see Oswald, even if he was having a bad day, he just wanted to be there for him and be at his side and help him through it. That was a deep reward to Ed, if he could help to recover, surely he was giving him something precious that would last for a lifetime, even if he couldn't love him and share his life in the way he wanted, wasn't that gift just as precious, to see Oswald better and happy and back to his old self again? 

He tried not to blame Jim for the accident. It was easy to blame him, of course – Jim had told him about the baby, Oswald had been furious, and stormed out and drove away too fast... In his darker moments, he hated Jim for his role in what had happened. Then he remembered Oswald loved him. Remembering that was enough to remind him not to hate anyone, not in a situation like this one...

 

Far from the mansion, at her luxury apartment, Barbara Kean was desperately worried. Her son had been sick all day and now he had a high fever. She paced the floor, called the hospital, listened to their advice and then felt sick with worry as she stood by her son's bed and as he lay there, his little face flushed and sweating as she called his father. She and Jim had been in and out of love and she often wondered if he missed her and missed their son, he said he did, but he was rarely around. She got that Oswald needed a lot of care, but Jonny needed to know his Daddy, too – and right now his Daddy need to know their son was very unwell.

“Come on, Jim, pick up!” Barbara snapped as she paced the floor with the phone to her ear. 

Finally it was answered.

“Barbara, Hi... I'm with Oswald right now, we just went home to the mansion...”  
“Johnny's sick,” she cut in, “High fever - I've been told to take him to the hospital just to be sure he's okay... he's only a year old, Jim, this could be serious I...I need you to meet me there, you'd better meet me there...” she paused, catching a sharp breath as she blinked away tears.

“He's sick?” Jim sounded worried, “Of course, I'll be there. I'm leaving now.”

“Thank you,” Barbara said, and then she ended the call, turned to the cot and lifted her sick child into her arms.

 

“Who was that, Jim?” Oswald asked as they began to walk back towards the mansion.

“Is everything okay?” Ethan added, noticing Jim's face had paled.

“Barbara called to let me know Johnny's sick, he's got to go to the hospital, she wanted me to meet her there -” he paused, glancing to Oswald, “She just needs a friend with her.”

He felt the cold accusing stare from Ethan on making that excuse and avoided eye contact, instead fixing his gaze on Oswald, “I hope I won't be gone long. You'll be okay here with Ethan and Ed.”

“And Edward,” Oswald reminded him as he clutched the puppy's leash a little tighter and glanced down at him, then he thought of Barbara and her her little boy. The poor kid was unwell...

“Yes Jim, you should go, I'm sure she will appreciate your support. Please tell her I hope her son is better soon.”

Jim's heart weighed heavy with guilt.

“I will,” he promised, “And tell Ed I need to borrow his car – this is an emergency,” then he leaned in, kissed Oswald's cheek and hurried on ahead, taking the path that led to the front of the house where Ed's car was parked.

 

The drive to the hospital was done in silence and building worry as Jim feared for his little boy. The thoughts of all the times he had turned down the chance to go over and see him, because he was busy looking after Oswald, went through his head and he blinked away tears feeling caught between a rock and a hard place:  
_What was he supposed to do, leave Oswald alone to struggle and run the risk of him having one of his nightmares, and just spend time with his son instead?_

Barbara was rarely in a position to bring their son over to him, she was either working and Johnny was with a babysitter, or she was busy spending her spare time with her son, and that didn't involve driving him over to see his Daddy, who was busy looking after his husband who could turn volatile without warning when he lost contact with reality. He tried, he tried so hard to see his boy when ever he could. He had to miss his birthday because Oswald was struggling and having a very bad day, and calling a one year old and saying happy birthday didn't exactly make a memory a kid that young would recall later on. It was a hard situation. Then there was the fact that while missing his boy broke his heart, he still had a large slice of that broken heart that cherished the mother of his child. But Oswald had been his choice and he didn't regret that, despite the heartbreak and the lack of time with his son, the accident had been his fault and if he had to struggle forever to see Oswald get through life okay, he would do that willingly, he knew where the blame lie in this situation...

He reached the hospital, parked the car and got out, then headed for the entrance, regretting every missed moment he had not spent with his child as he feared the worst and worried silently as he set off to find Barbara.

 

Back at the mansion, Edward the puppy was sleeping in his bed after his walk around the grounds of the estate. Oswald looked tired too, they had not gone far but with every step, Ethan had noticed a definite improvement in his Dad. 

“So what would you like to do?” Ethan asked as they sat together in the front room and Oswald enjoyed tea served by Ed, “Do you think you might like to move back home? You've seemed so much happier since you got back here.”

Oswald thought about it. Here definitely felt like home, and held more memories than the apartment where he had only ever stayed with Jim on a temporary basis. Home was here, the house embodied the word and made him feel stronger, too.

“Who is taking care of my business interests?” Oswald suddenly asked.

Ed smiled on hearing that, and he leaned back comfortably in his seat and started to explain.

“Jim handles your legitimate businesses affairs. Barbara handles the rest – with help from myself and Ethan. Don't worry, everything is safe and ready for you take over when you're full recovered.”

Surprise registered in Oswald's eyes.

“Thank you...” he paused for thought, “I don't believe I've thought much about business since the accident.”

“And you don't have to until you're ready,” Ed reminded him, “It's all taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.”

Oswald set his sighted eye across the coffee table, smiling at Ed.

“That's reassuring.”

Ed smiled too, feeling a warm glow wrap around his heart.

“It's a pleasure to help, Oswald,” he replied. 

The Oswald paused again, his thoughts turning to Jim.

“It was very good of Jim to be there for Barbara and her son today, Jim is so thoughtful.”

“Yes, he is,” Ed replied, exchanging a glance with Ethan, who resented the secrecy as much as he did. 

Again, Ed thought about the truth of the matter and it made his heart ache to think Jim had not told him the truth, fearing he would lose him if he confessed for a second time. Right now Oswald had no memory of the accident, but Ed kept hoping it would come back, at least then Oz would know the truth... He hated being part of this conspiracy of silence, and he knew Ethan hated it, too. Both of them only went along with it out of consideration for Oswald, who wasn't fully recovered yet and didn't need devastating news at a time like this. But even so, they both hated the deception... Oswald set his tea down and reached for his cane.

“I'm tired, I think I might go for a lie down.”

Ed was up first, placing a gentle hand on his back, just in case he got an unsteady moment. 

“He'll be okay,” he said to Ethan, I'll take him upstairs.”

Ethan nodded, then relaxed on the chair as they both left the room. He thought about Jim and his lack of honesty and shook his head. _Sometimes the truth did hurt, but to keep this secret all over again? To him, it felt like Jim was using Oswald's amnesia as a convenience to help him duck out of a tight_ _spot._ _But, like Ed, he didn't want to be the one to drop the bombshell, not when his Dad was still struggling with dreams that left him so confused._ He reached for his tea and drank it slowly, still thinking on the matter...

 

Ed kept his hand on Oswald's back as he walked with him to the main bedroom, then he opened up the door to a room with a freshly made bed and flowers to brighten the place.

“Maybe I should stay,” Ed told him. 

They had reached the bed. Oswald glanced at him and Ed smiled nervously adding, “Just in case you get one of those nightmares. I'm thinking about your safety, the stairs are steep, you might fall if you wandered out feeling confused.”

“I'll be fine,”Oswald told him as he sat down on the bed.

But he looked tired. Ed had noticed.

“Let me help,” he said, and lifted his legs for him, helping him to lie on top of the covers, taking extra care with his damaged leg as he set it down, then he took off his shoes for him.

“Comfortable?”

Oswald looked up at him.

“Yes thank you, Ed.”

“I'll just sit over there,” he added, indicating to a seat by the window, “You can go off to sleep, I'll just wait around, make sure you don't have bad dreams.”

“Ed...”

He had turned away, but on hearing Oswald's voice so softy speaking his name he turned back, feeling a flutter of nervousness.

“What is it, Oswald?” he asked.

Oswald held his arms out to him as he smiled.

“Come here.”

That was an offer Ed couldn't refuse as his heart hammered in chest and he felt almost on the brink of breathlessness. He leaned over Oswald and hugged him tightly, then as he pulled back, Oswald looked at him, his sighted eye connecting warmly with Ed's gaze.

“Thank you for finding Edward for me.”

“I didn't find him, I bought him for you,” Ed reminded him.

“Oh yes, so you did...” Oswald murmured as his eyes grew heavy and he started to get rapidly sleepy.

Ed swept a hand over his dark spikes, looking down at him tenderly.

“You get some rest, Oswald,” he said softly, then he lingered there for a moment, looking down at his former partner in crime as his heart filled with love he had to keep all to himself. Oswald was sleeping now, worn out by the journey and the walk with the dog. But he had come along so well today, his progress seemed to have sped up thanks to returning home. And now he was sleeping, and soon he might be dreaming... Ed kept that in mind as he leaned over him, taking care not to wake him as he placed a kiss, light and soft as a feather, on his brow.

“ _I love you,”_ he dared to whisper as Oswald slept on. 

Then Ed went over to the window and took a seat as he watched rain clouds start to gather. Apparently a storm was on the way. He liked storms, especially summer ones. The view from the window would be spectacular...

 

For Jim and Barbara, it had been a worrying few hours until the doctor had finally diagnosed a harmless virus and meds had brought their son's temperature down. Now he was securely strapped into the back of the car, ready to go home. Jim felt so thankful he wanted to cry. There was a lot he wanted to say, too as the breeze cooled and whipped Barbara' fair hair about as she closed the passenger door and then got into the front of the car. He stood there, lingering back, feeling torn between driving back to the mansion and going home with Barbara and his son.

“Thanks for being here Jim,” Barbara said as she looked up at him from the open car window, “I really needed you here today, we both did...Listen, I know you have to get back home to Oswald, but would you like to come home with us first, just for an hour?”

Jim knew he wouldn't be happy until he saw his son feeling better and sleeping in his own bed that evening.

“I'll call home first,” he said, and then the took a few paces away from the car, turning his back as he called Oswald's phone. It was answered at once by Ed, who said his name in a low voice, sounding anxious, as Jim felt sure his anxiety levels had just shot all the way up to sky high again.

“Is something wrong? Is Oz okay?”

“He's fine, he's sleeping,” Ed said quietly, “I didn't want the phone to wake him. How's your son?”

Jim breathed a relived sigh.

“He's fine, thankfully. I wanted to go home with Barbara, put him to bed, make sure he's okay.. I won't be too long, I know I have your car and you might need it. I won't be long, maybe an hour? Is that okay, Ed?”

“Take your time,” Ed replied, “And don't worry about Oswald. He's fast asleep and so far so good, no sign of those crazy dreams. Spend some time with your little boy, Oswald is just fine.”

“Thank you,” Jim replied, then he ended the call and turned back to Barbara.

“I'll take Ed's car,” he said, “Oswald's okay for now, I can come over for a short while.”

Barbara smiled, it was the first time he had seen her smile that day, and to see the worry gone from her eyes was wonderful, too.

“I'm glad,” she said, “because we don't spend enough time together and our son needs us today, Jim.”

“Yes, I know he does,” he replied, then he headed off towards Ed's car.

 

A short while later, as storm clouds darkened and rain began to fall, as the first crack of thunder rolled across the skies of Gotham, Jim was carrying his son back into the warmth of Barbara's apartment. Across town, at the mansion, Ed's view of the storm from Oswald's window was spectacular as the skies lit up with forks of lightning and thunder rumbled and the downpour began in earnest. The rain sounded like a rush, it hit the window in loud splatters and as the thunder rumbled again, Oswald sat up sharply, his mind full of a burning city and explosions and the chaos of war. He was breathing hard, there was a look of terror on his face.

“We have to get out of here!” he said in panic but as he tried to get up, Ed was there, on the edge of the bed, his hands on his shoulders as he spoke to him calmly.

“It's okay, Oz, it's a storm,” he told him, then he pulled him closer. 

Oswald was shaking, he was staring past the window not seeing the rain and the lightning, he was seeing something else and now he was in a cold sweat as he let Ed pull him closer and he rested his head on his shoulder.

“The bridges have fallen...” Oswald whispered.

Ed kept a firm hold on him, hugging him close as he stroked his hair.

“No, Oswald, it's just a summer storm,” he said in calm, soothing voice, “And a very pretty one...”

Oswald closed his eyes, his whole body going rigid as in his mind, he was fighting side by side with the man who held him and then the grenade had gone off. As he raised his head and looked at Ed, his voice trembled as he spoke.

“There was a grenade.”

“No, there wasn't, it's just a bad dream,” Ed reminded him. He wasn't ready for what Oswald said next as he started to become tearful.

“ _There was no time so I threw myself over you to save you, Ed. That's why I lost my eye.”_

For a moment, Ed could not speak. _Oswald had dreamed he had sacrificed himself to save him?_ He felt choked up as he blinked away tears and placed a gentle hand on Oswald's cheek, then soothingly stroked his hair as he smiled.

“I don't doubt you would do something like that for me” he told him, “But, it didn't happen. It was a bad dream, and that's the truth.”

Outside there was a sharp crack of thunder as the storm moved overhead and the sudden boom made Oswald's body jolt sharply as fear flickered in his sighted eye in such a way he had the look of a man who had indeed fought in a terrible war.

“It's just a storm, Oswald,” Ed said again, “Just a summer storm, nothing to be afraid of... rain, wind, thunder and lightning...” he suddenly realised Oswald's arms were around his shoulders as he looked up at him. Ed's heart was pounding as he leaned in.

“It's just a storm... a...a storm...” he repeated, a slight stammer came to his voice, now he was saw they were too close, but he couldn't pull away. He drew in a breath and managed to find his voice again.

“ _Bad dreams can't hurt you,”_ he said in a hushed tone, _“There's nothing to be afraid of, Oz...”_

Then he leaned in as Oswald held him tighter, and as the thunder crashed and the rain lashed at the windows, they shared a deep and passionate kiss, a kiss witnessed only by the lightning that forked the stormy skies of Gotham...

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

All that could be heard was the rush of rain as Ed took Oswald in his arms, returning his attentions with another, hungry kiss filled with need and raw passion that made him instantly harden as Oswald caught his breath, gripping hard at his shoulders. As they separated, his face was flushed.

“Ed...” it was all he could say as he stared at him, heart pounding as he broke into a sweat and Ed did the same, pulling back, letting go, breathing hard.

“Oh no... I didn't mean for that to happen, Oswald!”

Oswald's sighted eye grew wide as he stared at Ed, who blushed furiously and looked away, turning his head to the window as beyond the glass, the world looked a washed out blur of rain. The thought _I kissed Oswald!_ ran through his mind, then he thought of Jim and the situation he had just caused and still his heart was aching right down the crack in its centre that had been present for far too long.

“It felt like you meant it!” Oswald exclaimed, and his heart was yet to stop racing as Ed looked back at him, hearing Riddler inside his head telling him to _Have some damned balls and go for what we want!_

“I...I can't...” Ed stammered, feeling powerless as he thought of Jim and the reality of the situation. Oswald loved Jim...didn't he?

Oswald was still sitting there, the last pounding of his heart fading out as he looked up at Ed in dismay.

“Why not?” he demanded.

Ed swallowed hard, feeling glued to the spot, frozen by his own awkwardness and doubts. _You're useless!_ Echoed about his head as Riddler repeated it with venom. Ed shook his head, wishing he could shake his alter ego the hell out of there. Oswald shifted to the edge of the bed and got up, too stunned by that kiss to remember his cane, and he was unsteady as he limped closer to Ed, who saw the look in his eyes, and that was when courage, or lack of it, no longer mattered, because his heart dictated the rest as he reached for him, pulling him close.

“ _I love you!”_ Ed said as tears spilled down his face.

He was still holding on to Oswald as that storm raged above them and the world outside washed out with the rain as if it had melted away the entire city. Nothing mattered but that moment as he held Oswald, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close, for the first time feeling his soft, chubby frame pressed against him as Oswald laid his head on his shoulder and Ed ran his hand over his hair, then whispered words that set his heart free.

“ _I do love you! I've always loved you, Oswald! Please tell me that's okay!”_

Oswald was still holding on to him as he raised his head and looked up at Ed. That first kiss had been a shock, but only until he realised just how good it felt, more than all the wonderful imaginings of his younger years when he had first found the courage to tell him how he felt...now, he didn't need to fear rejection. He thought of Jim, then the war that Jim said had never happened. Lines blurred between reality and dreams, but his heart was dragging him back to days where memories were clear, memories of Ed, where all was not right with their world and love had certainly not been possible - but he knew for certain those days had existed. Ed was a truth he was sure of, he knew it as he looked up at him and saw tears streak his face for all the years of regret. In the distance, thunder rumbled as the storm began to pass over and head out across the river. The rainfall slowed to a steady patter and a final flicker of lightning lit the skies, heralding the arrival of brighter times as the dark clouds began to move out. It was as if this moment of realisation had flooded colour back into the world, as if it had started anew.

“How long have you loved me?” Oswald asked in a hushed voice.

Ed was liking the feel of Oswald in his arms, heavy, plump, so nice to hug close. He gave him a gentle squeeze.

“I've always loved you,” he confessed, “And I'll take you just as you are, with your crazy dreams and your mixed up memories and your moods and all the rest of it. _I love you_.”

For Ed, it was suddenly easy to breathe now that confession was out in the open, a secret no longer after being locked away tightly in his heart and weighted down with more regrets than he could count. _Oswald was in his arms. Yes, he was really there..._

Oswald held him a little tighter as he thought about the missing memories and the dreams that filled the spaces. There was no dividing line between what he was told and what he believed sometimes, and now the storm had gone, the explosions were not going off in his mind, but the blast of the exploding grenade was sharp and deafening as he felt his eye destroyed all over again.

“I tried to save you, Ed,” he told him.

Ed's expression changed as he looked at him in confusion.

“When, Oswald?”

“The grenade.”

Ed pulled him close and held him tightly, pressing a gentle kiss against his neck.

“There was no war,” he said softly as he pulled back, looking at Oswald with love and infinite patience, “You should lie down now, you need to rest. You're still healing.”

Oswald let Ed help him over to the bed, then he was thankful for more support as he helped him to lie back, lifting his weak and damaged leg for him.

“Hold me?”

As Oswald said those words, Ed felt a pain sharp as a glass shard prick his heart. He wanted to join him and hold him and make love to him – making love would definitely happen if he got on that bed and held him close – but it would be too risky at this moment...

“Jim will be back soon,” Ed reminded him, then he leaned over him and as their gaze met, he smiled.

“Not a word about what happened between us, okay? Because I don't want to be the cause of trouble between you and Jim.”

“You said you loved me...” Oswald's eye filled with a mix of confusion and anger, a fire that needed to be put out before it raged.

“I do love you,” Ed promised him, “But we have to take this slowly, I don't know how you will feel when you're better. You might want to stay with Jim. I know the two of you were very much in love before the accident, before...” he paused, shaking his head, knowing he couldn't tell Oswald the rest, not right now, not while he was still recovering.

“Before what?” Oswald asked as suspicion crept into his voice. His memory had shattered but his intellect was every bit as sharp as ever, and he missed nothing...

“It doesn't matter,” Ed said quickly.

Oswald looked up at him, silently demanding the truth.

“You said _before_. You didn't mean the accident, you meant something else. What is it that don't I know?”

“Before everything changed, that's what I meant,” Ed said quickly, making sure there was no stammer in his voice, no hesitation, because Oswald could still spot a lie as quickly as ever...

Oswald let go of his suspicions, turning his mind to another matter at hand.

“Ed, you don't have to leave me alone to sleep,” he chuckled, “I don't exactly feel like sleeping after you just -”

The door opened. Ed tried not look guilty as he stood next to the bed. Oswald shifted position, ignoring the ache in his weak leg as he turned on his side, hiding the erection that was noticeable through his clothing.

“Would you like some tea, Dad?” asked Ethan.

Ed turned to the window to hide a smirk as the thought hit him that they had assumed Ethan was busy downstairs. He had thought Jim was the one to worry about. Oh god, Oswald's son could have come in and caught them... He really couldn't imagine Ethan's reaction to his married father embracing another man, even if Jim wasn't his favourite person because of the accident, surely Ethan would have been shocked to imagine his Dad and Edward Nygma might be...

_Having an affair?_

_Were they?_

Suddenly Ed wasn't so amused any more. He didn't know how to define what had shifted between him and Oz, _something_ had changed. Feelings had been revealed, hearts had been opened... this was love, but what did that truly mean under the circumstances?

He could hear Oswald and his son talking, but their voices seemed far away as he thought on his own question: _Have I made this better, or worse?_ A question without an answer, as yet an unsolved riddle... Ethan left the room and Ed turned back to Oswald.

“Should we...”

“Not right now, Ed,” Oswald replied.

Before, he had been hard and thinking about what it would feel like for Ed to take him in his mouth and suck, he had imagined being deep in there, warm and wet and fucking Ed's face, but there was nothing like his son walking in to kill his arousal. And it could have been worse. Jim could have walked in, he could have come back earlier than expected...

Oswald felt a flicker of guilt but as he looked at Ed, his heart ached as much as his body ached to know more of the same. Ed's kiss had been intoxicating. He was also aware his head felt very clear, too, no blurring lines between dreams and reality confused him now... Ed had this effect on him, he took one look into his eyes and recalled so much of the past, the accurate past, and even though for most of it they had frequently fought and at times even hated each other, there was still some good to remember mixed into that chaos, and it felt like an anchor that kept him from sliding over into all of the memories he had been told were lies. Ed gave him clarity.

“Get some rest,” Ed told him, stepping closer to the bed, “I don't think you'll have more bad dreams, not today, not now the storm has passed.” Then he leaned closer, placed a brief, soft kiss on his mouth and turned away and left the room.

 

Jim had spent the past hour watching his son resting in bed and now he was sleeping peacefully. Even the storm had not woke him, and as it had raged, Jim had gone to the window and watched as the city was drowned in the downpour as the skies became volatile and thunder crashed and lightning forked, and still Gotham stood resilient. Then he had realised Barbara was standing beside him, and she passed him a coffee and for the next few moments, they just stood there, watching the storm together.

“I think this city can take anything the world throws at it,”Jim said quietly, his eyes set on the buildings standing in defiance to the ravages of the weather, “I think it will stand forever. Days like this make me proud the have served Gotham as I did...”

“Do you miss it?” she asked.

Jim paused as steam rose from his coffee and he thought of Oswald and the sacrifice he had made.

“Yes,” he said honestly, then remembering his days as a cop, “I'd go back to it, if I could. But under the circumstances, Oswald needs to come first. I couldn't leave him alone all day and work long hours. I doubt if he would trust anyone else to look in on him and help him out.”

“He responds well to Ed, and there's always Ethan, he can help out sometimes?”

Jim shook his head.

“No. They're too busy doing the same as you, taking care of Oswald's underworld interests.”

“And I have my own business to consider too,” Barbara replied, “But it's not too much to ask to take on some of Oswald's dealings too, I know we didn't always see eye to eye in the old days, but that doesn't matter now. Is he improving at all?”

“I hope so,” Jim sipped his coffee, “I've started to see improvements lately – small things, but it's better than nothing.”

Barbara smiled as their eyes met.

“Those small things are the big things when you're hoping for a miracle. I think you'll get there too. And I do understand why you can't spend time with our son. I do get it, Jim. Sorry if I was harsh earlier.”

“Don't apologise,” he replied, “We both had a fright today, at least the worry is over with now.”

Jim set his coffee down, then went over the bed where his one year old son lay sleeping peacefully and he smiled as he looked down at him.

“He didn't even wake for the thunder.”

His heart ached as he looked down at his boy, sleeping deeply as he recovered from his fever, in that moment he ached to hold his child, he longed to spend every moment with him, in truth – but it wasn't possible. As he turned away from his bed he kept his voice low, careful not to wake his son.

“I was concerned how Oswald might have been with the storm... violent weather can trigger these false flashbacks,” he shook his head, sure he would never truly understand it, “Flashbacks to events that never took place.”

They left Johnny's room and Barbara closed the door quietly behind them, then Jim checked the time. He had stayed for more than an hour, and while it had felt like a wonderful, stolen pocket of time so precious to be spent with his child, he still felt guilty. He had obligations back home, Oswald needed him...

“I should go,” he said, and as she saw the look in his eyes and heard the pain in his voice, Barbara didn't need to think twice as she gave him a tight hug and then let go again.

“I know it's hard at home, coping with Oswald and his moods -”

“No, it's not hard.”

She gave him a knowing look.

“You don't have to lied to me, Jim...” then her own eyes reflected pain as she instantly understood the root of all of his grief, “You look at him every day, watching him struggle and then you blame yourself. Then you remember he's forgotten the cause of all this. I don't doubt there's a part of you that hopes he never remembers why. It can't be easy, Jim Gordon, the most honest cop to serve in Gotham, keeping a lie of this magnitude from his spouse. I _do_ understand, Jim.”

He gave a heavy sigh.

“Well that _lie_ of ours is precious, he's a year old now and I've already missed out on so much. I love my son, Barbara.”

“I know you do,” she promised him.

“And Oswald is precious too, I should be going home to home to him now, I'm already late.”

They walked to the door together and Barbara opened it.

“Come over and see us when you can,” she reminded him.

Jim nodded.

“Of course I will,” he replied, then he walked away.

Barbara closed the door of the apartment, silently wondering when their son would see his father again. She had meant what she said, she did understand – she didn't envy Jim's situation at all, it was a very difficult, he loved him deeply and regretted waiting so long to tell him the truth, then when he had, the result had been disastrous, not only for him, but for Oswald, too. Barbara knew that was something they both carried the blame and the weight of the guilt for, and she guessed they always would...

 

Oswald was sleeping when Jim returned. Ethan was no where to be seen and Ed had given him a nod and a quick _Hi Jim_ , asked if his son was okay and then walked off towards the front room. Jim had gone upstairs and entered the bedroom quietly, finding Oswald asleep on top of the covers, still dressed, but his shoes were off. He was sleeping peacefully, too – that was rare, and the sight of his loved one sleeping without the torments of nightmares that lingered into waking hours made him smile. For once, Oswald was resting peacefully...

Jim sat down beside him, taking care not to disturb him too much as he laid beside him. The bed shifted slightly, and Jim cautiously moved closer, sliding an arm around his broad waist, carefully settling warm and intimate, their bodies touching. Oswald stirred in his sleep, gave a sigh and put his hand on Jim's hip, then slid it around to his back, shifting closer as he slid his head from the pillow to Jim's shoulder. Jim gave a sigh of contentment, saying a silent plea, _No bad dreams this time, Oswald, please, I just want you to have some peace..._ He placed a kiss in his hair and Oswald gave another sigh, then that hand on his back shifted up and down soothingly.

“ _No, no,”_ Oswald murmured in a silky whisper as he slept on, _“No, Ed, not yet, not now...”_

Jim froze.

He looked down sharply at Oswald's sleeping face, whatever he was dreaming about certainly didn't involve the usual mix of war and bloodshed and explosions...

All urge to rest was gone as he lay there embracing Oswald, who had just spoken softly in his sleep as if Ed was his lover... Jim thought about it. Maybe he had got this wrong. Oswald had all kinds of crazy dreams, they had never stopped during the year since the accident. Why should this be any different? He thought back to the apparent passionate embrace he had walked in on earlier – no, that had been Oswald thanking Ed for the puppy...

 _Maybe I'm going crazy_ , Jim thought silently, then he held Oswald closer, and he gave a sigh but said nothing more as he slept deeply, and Jim tried to keep perspective on a situation that was rapidly increasing his unease each time he assumed the worst...

 

By the time evening came around Ethan had left, having business of his own to attend to and saying he would be back in a couple of days. He had shot Ed a glance and added _Call me if I'm needed,_ and Jim felt sure that was personal, as if they both considered him the cause of all the problems and probably the cause of any future problems, too. He guessed he should have been more open minded about the dog. Puppy Edward had caused Oswald no harm, the only time his bad dreams had made him lose touch with reality had been during the storm, Ed had told him about it in detail, saying he was sliding between reality and fantasy for a short time, but then he had persuaded him to rest...

Jim had looked hard at Ed as they sat at dinner that evening, studying him by the soft lamplight, pulling up all his skills as an ex cop to try and spot a lie. But if Nygma was lying, it didn't show. Maybe there was nothing going on. Or maybe he was losing his detective skills...

“You look exhausted, Jim,” Ed had added as he finished dinner, “Why don't you sit down for a while, let me take over? Oswald's been resting for most of the day, and you've had so much worry over your son.”

Jim set down his glass a little too sharply and the wine almost spilled over the edge. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that yes, he was tired. After Oswald had woken up, he had gone downstairs and started dinner, then Ed had taken over and he had been glad of the help. An hour later he had taken Oswald's dinner upstairs to him because he said he wanted to rest, and he had sat with him while he ate, keeping him company. Now Oswald was resting again. Jim had checked on him twice and found him sleeping soundly, he had kissed his cheek and stroked his hair and this time, Oswald had not talked in his sleep, he just carried on resting. Jim had gone back downstairs wondering if that show of affection had entirely come from his heart or if he simply wanted to test his theory and see if Oz talked in his sleep again.

_Ed was right, he was tired. Probably too tired to think logically, and if he didn't stop this paranoia, he could have even more troubles in his life - Oswald wouldn't take too kindly to being accused of an affair, he was most likely innocent of all wrong doing, and he had been through enough, to make him suffer such accusation was unthinkable..._

“Yes, I am tired,” Jim admitted as he looked across the table at Ed, “And Oswald still needs his bath, his leg is very painful today.”

“I'll do it, I'm happy to help,” Ed said with a smile.

Jim felt it again, that spike of jealousy running sharply through his body as he wondered who was really out of touch with reality here... He knew he was worn out and needed rest. Maybe the only way to break that would be to go ahead and trust Nygma. After all, he had helped him bathe the day before and nothing had happened between them... Yes, he _definitely_ needed some rest to wipe out these creeping demons of mistrust.

“Fine,” he replied as he got up, “I'll take it easy for the rest of the evening. You go up to Oswald.”

He was doing it again, even as he got up from his seat and left the table, he was searching Ed's eyes for a sign of something being a miss - but he saw nothing.

“You go and watch some TV,” Ed told him as he got up too and began to clear away the dinner plates, “I'll wash the dishes and then go up to Oswald. Would you like some coffee, Jim?”

“Yes please,” he replied, “Thanks, Ed.”

And then he left the room, turning over all that had been said over dinner. _Yes, he did need a rest. No, he didn't see a hint that Ed was fooling around with Oswald..._ He needed some time off, if only to gain a firmer grip on his own sanity. He was wondering if he had spent so long reminding Oswald of the real world that maybe his own grip on reality had slipped a little. For both their sakes, he needed some time to rest. Oswald seemed comfortable now he was back home, maybe if he left him here with Ed and went back to the apartment for a night, the break would do him good... Maybe it would also kill his paranoia. He hoped he was right, because he was taking a huge risk if he had got this situation wrong...

 

When he went through to the front room and set the coffee down on the table, Jim was on the sofa watching TV, and still looking tired.

“I'm going up to Oswald now,” Ed told him.

“And I'm going home tomorrow, Ed. I know I need a short break and I know Oswald is safe here with you... I just want to spend a night at the apartment, the break will do me good. When is Ethan coming back?”

“A couple of days - or maybe tomorrow,” that was a deliberate lie, and Ed felt no remorse for it. While it was true Jim desperately needed some rest, it was also true that he desperately needed some time alone with Oswald after that kiss that still lingered on his lips. He felt as if that single moment had changed his life, forever...

“Are you sure you can cope without me?” Jim added.

Ed smiled.

“I'm very sure, Jim. I don't find it hard to take care of Oswald. And he's improved so much since he came home.”

Jim nodded.

“That's true,” he agreed. From the moment Oz had set foot back in his family home, a little more of him had come back to life, another of those broken pieces had slid into place. Being here was good for him.

“I'd better go up and take care of Oswald now,” Ed told him, then he left the room and Jim sat there feeling uneasy as he shook his head, again thinking about distorted reality and how he had got it so wrong about Oswald and Ed. He knew he definitely needed a break...

 

A short while later, the water had filled the bath and it was warm and full of bubbles as Ed helped Oswald to climb in. This time he didn't look away, he took in the sight of his naked body, even though Oswald had sat down quickly, carefully lying back in the water, breathing a sigh, thankful to be covered by the bath because he knew he had put on more than a few extra pounds over the years, and he wasn't the slim, toned young man he used to be. But as he turned his head, Ed smiled fondly.

“Shall I lock the door?”

Oswald gave a small nod, and Ed went to the door, closed it and quietly slid the bolt across, then rejoined him and knelt down on the floor next to the bath.

“Jim tells me he wants to go home in the morning, spend a night at the apartment. He's tired, Oz. He needs a break. I said I'd take care of you.”

As he explained, he dipped a hand in the warm water, then ran it gently over Oswald's chest as he met his gaze.

“Jim's tired? Is he okay?” Oswald felt a flicker of worry that quickly changed to guilt, “Sometimes I forget how difficult I must be to live with...”

“He just needs a break, Oz. It will be good for him, and good for you...” Ed leaned closer as he started to smile and his hand slid down his chest, “And _very_ good for us, we can be alone tomorrow!”

As Oswald looked up at him, he still felt worried for Jim, knowing if he was exhausted, it was because he had spent weeks taking care of him. He knew Jim was always tired, he noticed in his better moments when he had clarity of thought, and he didn't want to do anything to hurt him, either... but a chance to be alone with Ed? That was something he didn't want to pass up. And he could hardly tell Jim not to go home and rest...

Ed felt suddenly shy as he leaned closer, and Oswald caught his breath as his hand slid over his round, generous belly. Ed's breathing quickened as he gave his chubby lover a gentle squeeze then rested his hand far below the water against his hip.

“You have a great body, Oswald!” he whispered.

“I'm overweight!” he replied in surprise.

“I love you big and heavy,” Ed told him softly, smiling as his hand moved over his generous curves, “You have no idea how good it feels to hold you, my big, chubby guy!”

Oswald's cheeks flushed as he started to smile.

“We should unlock the door, Jim might -”

“Not yet,” Ed replied, “Do you want me to go further?”

Oswald froze for a moment, he wanted to go much further, he was already hard, too, but Jim was downstairs and he did not get off on the thought of the risk this involved, because his heart was also involved and so was a heavy degree of guilt...

“Maybe we should wait.”

Ed gave a sigh as he knelt there, leaning on the edge of the bath as his other hand rested on Oswald's heavy hip.

“Don't torture me like this!” he said as he smiled and his eyes darkened with desire, “I'm aching for you!”

“Ed, don't...” Oswald pleaded, feeling as if he was rapidly heading towards the point of no return and no regrets, at least, no regrets that he would think about until after the deed had been done...

He thought back to that kiss. He knew he craved more, and the look in Ed's eyes and the way his hand was sliding from his hip to his groin was too good to resist. Oswald briefly closed his eyes, then he gave a sigh. The water had been warm enough to lift out his aches and pains and his leg felt great now, it was easy to shift slightly and open his legs wider.

“I believe you just gave me access?” Ed murmured seductively.

“Yes...” Oswald whispered, taking in a tight breath.

Ed leaned in closer, ran a hand over his hair and gave him a tender kiss.

“Relax, Oz,” he whispered, then he closed his hand around his cock, he was rock solid and already close to the edge, the thrill and the feel of Ed touching him was electrifying as he began to slide his hand up and down his solid shaft, Oswald didn't want him to stop now.

“More?” Ed asked, slowing his pace to a frustrating stop as playfulness danced softly in his gaze.

“Get on with it!” Oswald demanded.

“You're so impatient...” Ed paused to kiss him, feeling his heart flutter like a happy butterfly was trapped in his chest at the sight of Oswald, impatient and demanding more.

“Okay, sweetheart,” he said, “I won't keep you waiting...Oh, you feel so solid in my hand... I can't wait to suck you off, Oz!”

Oswald gave a gasp as Ed's pace picked up and still the stream of filth that came out of his usually polite mouth drove him rapidly to the edge.

“ _I want you to fill my mouth with come... while my fingers are deep in your ass, I'll blow your fucking mind...”_

That last stroke was hard and brutal and Oswald leaned back hard against the bath as he gave a gasp, coming quickly and throbbing in Ed's firm grip, coming into the water as Ed kept up the rhythm, making sure every last drop was spent.

“I bet that was nice,” he said fondly, and he drew his hand from the water, covered Oswald's mouth with a kiss and then got up.

“I should unlock the door now.”

Oswald's face was still flushed as he nodded. Ed unlocked the door and opened it and a cloud of steam escaped into the bedroom along with a scent of bubble bath. He turned back to Oswald.

“Do you need any help?”

“I'll be fine,” Oswald assured him.

“ Okay, I'll be in the next room if you need me,” Ed reminded him, then he left the bathroom feeling very happy indeed – it was nothing to do with what had happened between them, that had its own special place in his heart – what he was smiling about was the fact that Oswald was rapidly improving since he returned home, and to see every improvement was enough to make his heart fill with joy. He just wanted Oswald to get better, and it looked like maybe, this house - his family home - was the key to that recovery...

 

By the time Jim went upstairs, dusk was turning to nightfall as the evening shadows darkened down and the heat of the day began to cool, sending a soothing breeze through the open window of the bedroom. Oswald was in bed, his hair was still damp from the bath and he turned restlessly, grabbing at the sheets as nightmares played through his sleeping mind. Jim felt his heart sink as he looked to the peaceful summer evening. The storm was long gone. Now he couldn't blame the thunder or the rush of the rain for Oswald's bad dream...

“Oz, wake up...” he had spoken softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out cautiously to touch his face.

Oswald's eyes snapped open, the glass eye was out and he turned his head sharply, glaring at him with anger in his sighted eye as the empty pit of his blind side served as a sharp reminder of the day of the accident. In that moment, Jim wanted to confess.

“Don't touch me!” Oswald hissed angrily, pushing his hand away as he lay there breathing hard, his nightmares still playing through his mind.

“I didn't betray you,” Jim stated, “It's a nightmare.”

Oswald blinked. He stared at Jim, then he sat up in bed and carried on looking at him, studying his face as if those words had just rattled a locked door in his mind – and there was something behind that door, too...

“ _Yes you did,”_ he stated in a hushed voice.

“I didn't send you to jail for ten years,” Jim reminded him, “It didn't happen, Oz.”

“What did happen, Jim?” he demanded.

Jim felt as if, just for a second, his breath had left this body and his heart had momentarily stopped dead in his chest. _Oh god no... he was remembering..._

“What...what do you mean, Oswald?” he asked.

Oswald looked hard at him, slowly shaking his head.

“There's something you're not telling me. What is it?”

In that moment, Jim had the craziest thought that this was probably the closest he would ever get to knowing how it felt to be a suspect under interrogation by a cop, this was like role reversal... And Oswald was just as good at spotting a lie as he was. This was a cruel irony. All this time he had wanted nothing but the day to come when Oswald started to show real signs of making a proper recovery. Now it was happening and in all the time he had wished for this, he had not stopped to think that when it happened, of course there was a strong chance his memory would return and he would recall everything...

“What happened, Jim?” Oswald repeated coldly, feeling sure there had been something, it was still there, a sudden realisation that there was a secret, his mind was yet to unlock it but as he looked at Jim, all he knew was that his heart felt like breaking and all thoughts of guilt at his budding romance with Ed was wiped out. _What the hell had Jim done?_

Jim swallowed hard. His throat felt tight as he began to speak. He had just realised there was a chance Oswald wouldn't recall the details of their quarrel, but right now, he felt like he was walking a fine line between staying silent to save his marriage, and confessing in the hope of doing the same, but the second option was heavily risky as much as he detested dishonesty. He loved Oswald. He couldn't lose him. And he knew what had happened the first time he had confessed, he could never forget it or get over what happened next. And on hearing the truth that first time around, Oswald had left him...

He was still glaring at him.

“Tell me the truth!” Oswald said sharply, fixing his gaze on him as Jim sat there, his heart pounding as all his fears crowded in at once and he searched for an answer to satisfy him, something, anything but the truth that would destroy them all over again...

“ _What happened, Jim?”_ he demanded again, and in that moment, he sounded like the man who had conquered the underworld all those years before as his gaze turned to ice, _“You'd better start talking!”_ Oswald said coldly...

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

Jim froze. He knew the words were stuck there in his throat like glass with the all the potential to destroy everything if he set them free. Oswald was glaring at him, sitting there in bed looking right at him and all Jim had to do was look to his blind side to be reminded of the damage Oswald had suffered because of their quarrel. Because of his words.

_How could he wound him all over again?_

It was too easy to remind himself, this was over a child, and that kid was his son and this mattered – but the potential fallout could be disastrous on so many levels. Oswald wasn't recovered yet. Jim wasn't fooling himself as he hoped for his full recovery – he knew Oswald would never completely recover, that was the price he paid for surviving – but he was getting better and news like this could be so bad for him.

_No. He wasn't doing this for selfish reasons._

Now he was sure of that, he was able to speak...

“The only thing I'm not telling you,” Jim said as tears filled his eyes, “Is how much I regret not stopping you in time. We had a quarrel and you stormed out and I wasn't fast enough to stop you. I blame myself for that every single day.”

“What did we fight over?” Oswald demanded. That locked door in his mind was still stuck fast, no matter how hard he tried to force it open.

“All I recall from that day is regret,” Jim told him, and the statement was partly true, “The whole day, swallowed in regret. But I don't want to think about that now, you look so confused, I'm so sorry...”

As Jim dissolved into tears, Oswald reached for him, pulling him close as Jim clung tightly to him and sobbed heavily. Oswald felt every breath, very sob, and he was still holding on tight. This wasn't like Jim to break so completely, he had never been this broken before. Oswald gave his back a gentle rub.

“Please don't cry, Jim. I'm sorry if I reminded you of the accident. I know you don't like to think about that day. But the problem I have, is that I can't recall any of it.”

Jim drew back, his face streaked with tears as he looked into his gaze.

“ _I'm sorry.”_

It seemed like such a deep apology. Oswald closed his eyes, pictured that locked door in his mind, then he gave a small shake of his head and looked at Jim once more.

“I get confused sometimes. I realise I've stirred up recollections of a terrible day. I also apologise,” he started to smile as love shone in his gaze, “Come to bed.”

Jim nodded. Then he got up and started to undress as Oswald lay there on his side, watching him as he removed his clothing, taking in the sight of Jim's toned body with its contours made soft by the lamplight. As Jim got in bed, the feel of Oswald's waiting embrace felt like the safest place on earth to be, wrapped in the warmth of his arms as he hugged his soft, chubby body closer.

“I love you so much,” Jim whispered.

Oswald thought of Ed and his heart felt divided, and that division was straight down the middle. Maybe he had always loved Ed, perhaps it had never died, just faded into the background to quietly sleep as he cherished his life with Jim and wrote off the past as something that could never be... He _did_ love Jim. He was sure of it. But there was a closed door in his head and _something_ lurked behind it and he didn't want to bring that up again because he never wanted to see Jim cry like that again... Jim rolled on top, kissing him deeply, tearing away all thoughts of anything but this moment.

“ _Oswald...”_ he whispered as he ran his fingers through his hair and his other hand slid down his body.

Jim's kiss took his breath away as Oswald grabbed him roughly, pulling him closer as Jim pressed his growing erection against his hip, then shifted position, sliding it firmly between his fleshy thighs as he drew back and looked down at his naked body, admiring every heavy inch of him.

“I'm gonna come all over you,” he said in a low voice, thrusting hard between his thick thighs as he felt him give a squeeze.

Oswald was looking down, watching as Jim's cock rubbed enthusiastically between his thighs, then he drew it out sharply as he gave a gasp and grabbed his cock and jerked hard, throwing his head back as he spilled warm and fast over his belly.

“ _Oh fuck, yes!”_ Jim murmured, and he was breathing hard as he ignored the fact that he was weak from his own climax and slid down the bed, taking Oswald's cock deep in his mouth and sucking firmly as his lips sealed around his shaft, sliding up and down his length as Oswald closed his eyes and gave a moan and thrust up, fucking Jim's face. He came quickly, Jim's attention had been more than enough to stir his arousal rapidly to the point of no return, but as the last throb faded out and he slumped against the pillow and gave a sigh, that door in his mind burst open:

_He saw a deeply worried look in Jim's eyes and leaned hard on his cane as he hobbled over to him._

“ _What's this about?” he laughed, “So tell me, Jim – who is the lucky father?”_

_Jim blinked back tears._

“ _I am.”_

_A shocked silence followed as Oswald stared at him._

“ _I'm sorry,” Jim added, “I'm really sorry, Oswald!”_

“ _No, this is a joke, this can't be true...”_

Jim was cleaning him up, lovingly wiping the come from his pale flesh, talking softly to him, telling him he loved the way they drove each other so crazy so fast. Oswald gave a gasp, his body going rigid as if the shock had physically hit every nerve, he was seeing it again, Jim telling him that he was the father of Barbara's son...

“Oz?” Jim folded the covers over them both, turned on his side and looked at him with concern. There was a look of shock on Oswald's face as he stared at him.

“ _No...”_ he whispered, _“No, this can't be right....”_

Jim gave a heavy sigh as he placed a gentle hand on his cheek.

“What ever you're seeing, it's not real. There was no war, no grenade either - you lost your eye in an accident. And I would never betray you, I didn't send you to jail for ten years. It's all part of your nightmares.”

Oswald took in a sharp breath. Jim's words had only served to confuse him as he blinked away tears.

“ _But you... you...”_ he gave a quiet sob as Jim leaned closer, kissing away his tears, catching them as they fell and then talking softly to him again.

“No, Oswald. It's _not_ real. Your mind tries to fill in the blanks with what might have happened instead of what did happen.”

“But I just saw -”

“Shh,” Jim said, stroking his hair as he comforted him, “It's not real, keep telling yourself that. What's real is us, here in bed together, about to go to sleep - and I'm going to hold you all night.”

He turned out the light and then held him closer. Oswald lay there in his arms, his sighted eye struggling to adjust to the darkness as his thought swirled and he wondered, was that another false memory? If he could dream up a war in Gotham and Jim sending him to jail for ten years, surely imagining Jim had a child with Barbara wasn't impossible? It had to be a bad dream, a waking one, he got those sometimes, little moments of confusion when the blanks in his memory tried to write something in, and it was never anything accurate...

It felt good to be in Jim's arms. He wanted everything that had just run through his head to be a lie. He held him tightly as he closed his eyes, hoping for no more bad dreams when sleep took over.

 

It was a peaceful night, and Oswald appreciated that fact as he woke up in the morning to a soft kiss from Jim, who then got up and told him to stay in bed and rest while he made his morning tea. As he lay there, Oswald thought about the night before and that memory that had come flooding back – was it real? It didn't feel real, not going by that kiss Jim had given him when he got up, he had looked at him with deepest love in his gaze, and that expression of devotion was still there when he returned with his tea, left it by the bed then said he was going back downstairs to feed Edward.

A short while later Jim returned, and Oswald said nothing as he sat there in silence, hearing the birds sing as the sound carried through the open window, the warm summer breeze was slipping into the room, it was full of the scent of roses. But nothing about this present moment shut off the vivid memory of _that_ conversation with Jim... While he got ready to leave, Oswald watched him, listening as he talked about how much he would miss him and why he needed some time off, alone.

“Don't think it's anything you've done,” Jim assured him, “I'm just tired and I do worry about you so much, I know you're okay, I can see you're getting better but I tire myself out sometimes just worrying too much!”

“I know you do,” Oswald replied fondly, “You worry about me far too much, Jim.”

“And so I should,” Jim replied, leaning in and giving him a brief kiss, “I love you, Oswald.”

He thought of Ed and felt a flicker of guilt.

“I love you too,” Oswald replied.

“I'll let Ed know I'm leaving now, in case you need him for anything,” Jim added as he turned away.

Oswald swallowed hard. _Need him for anything?_ He could imagine a thousand things he might need Ed for and all of them made him blush...

Jim left the room. He heard a brief conversation in the hallway as Jim said, _Ed, I'm glad you're up already – I'm leaving now, I'll be back tomorrow._.. and then Ed said, _Take your time, Jim, you need some rest. Don't worry about Oswald. He's very safe in my capable hands..._

That remark made Oswald smile. But as he heard the door close, his thoughts turned back to last night. That memory was so sharp and clear and so real... But so were his nightmares about Gotham on fire and the bridges falling. He could see it all in detail if he thought about it...He could recall it so sharply, he could smell the stench of destruction and recall the horror that sank deep inside him as he saw the bridges fall. He had witnessed the unthinkable – the fall of Gotham. And it was there in his head, every small detail and every terrible memory that followed. And so was this new memory of Jim telling him about him and Barbara, and saying he was the father of her son...it lingered vividly.

 _Was it all part of the same nightmare?_  
He had once tried so hard to cling to the belief that everything that filled his confused mind was true, refusing to accept that half his reality was no more than his own imagination filling in blank spaces. Now, he desperately wanted it believe every bad recollection was part of a meaningless hallucination.

The door opened and Ed came in with a sparkle in his eyes and a big smile on his face.

“Alone at last!” he said, rubbing his hands together with glee. Then he saw Oswald's expression. He was looking at him sadly, and in a split second Ed's expression changed too.

“Oh,” he said, “This isn't good... you're not pleased to see me?”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked intently at Oswald, and started to worry.

“If you've changed your mind, if you want to be faithful, if you love Jim and I was a terrible mistake, that's okay...” he looked away, giving a heavy sigh, “No... I don't mean it's okay. It's ripping my heart out! But if you don't want us to go any further, I have no choice but to accept that...” he slowly turned his head, looking at Oswald again as his heart ached sharply, “Just talk to me.”

Ed was expecting him to say he couldn't do this, he couldn't betray Jim, he loved him and they had to forget about any possibility of taking their friendship further. He had already planned to be understanding about it, and cry later, alone. But when Oswald did speak, he really did get a shock...

“ _Who is the father of Barbara's son?”_

Ed froze, staring back at Oswald.

_Oh no, he was remembering..._

Oswald saw the look on his face and understood at once. That was the moment it started to sink in that before the accident, something had been very, very wrong. It wasn't a rush of memories that hit him, more like a feeling that was very certain...and it was devastating. He blinked back tears as pain and anger swirled inside him and suddenly speech was difficult as tears choked his voice.

“ _Say it!”_

Ed took in a short, sharp breath, this was his worst nightmare – he didn't want to be the one responsible for breaking such bad news after Oswald had been through so much. But he had hated the deception as much as Ethan did. The choice not to tell him had been a choice made out of a protective urge, to wait until he was strong enough. The knowledge of what had come about before because that bombshell was too devastating to think about ever raising again, had been a dead and buried subject for Oswald's sake - but he was the one who had resurrected it and he knew, he knew in a glance that Ed knew, too...

“If you love me as much as claim to, you will tell me the truth!” Oswald demanded, “I have a right to know!”

Ed gave a heavy sigh.

“Oh dear. This is not what I had planned for us today... _Yes, Oswald. Yes, it is true. You and Jim had a lot of pressure on your relationship because a cop and a criminal becoming an item was bad news for Jim's career. So you split up for a while. In that time, when I probably should have summoned the guts to tell you how I feel about you but didn't, he had a brief encounter with Barbara. They kept quiet about the baby because you two got back together and Jim didn't want anything to wreck that. He was afraid of losing you...”_

Ed paused, shaking his head.

“I can't believe I'm defending Jim, but I am – he didn't want to lie to you, Oz. He just didn't want anything to be less than perfect when you got back together and got married, he wanted it all to be perfect. And then the guilt got to him because he's a decent guy and he couldn't bear to keep it from you any longer, so he told you. That was why you had a fight with him on that day.”

He fell silent. Oswald said nothing as he looked at Ed, the truth still sinking in. He had wanted it to be a lie, just another bad dream, but it wasn't, and he felt it so strongly that he guessed he had probably known from the moment that first recollection had come back, gut instinct. _Yes, this was true, no matter how much he wished for it not to be so..._

“And you knew too?” hurt reflected in Oswald's gaze, “You knew and didn't tell me?”

“No!” Ed said quickly, “No, no, Oswald! I didn't know anything until the day of the accident. Jim didn't hide the cause of it all. He was sitting there crying and talking to Ethan, they almost came to blows over it – then he told me... He didn't want to hide it any more. But you were so badly hurt, he said he didn't want you hurt again in any way. So we agreed to keep quiet until you were strong enough to understand the full situation. I am so sorry I'm the one who had to tell you.”

Oswald fell silent again, and as he blinked, a tear ran down his face. Ed wanted to reach for him and wrap his arms around him and shield him from this pain, but he knew Oswald too well. There was rage in his tearful eyes. For now, it was best to keep a distance.

“What do you want to do about this?” Ed asked cautiously.

Oswald wiped away his tears with a brush of his hand, then he shook his head.

“ _Ethan knew?”_

“Only since the accident.”

“ _That was a year ago!”_

Ed felt tearful too as he saw such pain and anger in Oswald's gaze.

“It wasn't a malicious deception. I hated keeping the truth from you!” now anger shone in Ed's eyes too, “Do you really think I would happily go along with that? I hated it as much as Ethan did! But it was for the best, for you – until you were ready to hear the truth.... I guess it might never have come from Jim – I'm not saying that to spite him, as much as I blame him for what happened to you ultimately – but he didn't ever want you to know, he's too afraid of losing you!”

For Oswald, the dust was yet to settle. At that moment it felt like everyone around him had been wrapped in a conspiracy to lie and keep on lying, all to protect Jim... But the look he saw in Ed's eyes told him at once that was wrong. Ed had wanted him to know. And thinking about it, there was always something frosty and off between Jim and Ethan, whether it was in their exchange of words, or sometimes a look – there had been something under the surface, and he had assumed it was because of the accident, because he knew they had quarrelled on that day. And every time he had raised the subject of the quarrel, Jim had always swerved to conversation far away to something else...

His anger was settling cold and hard like a sinking stone in deep water, heading straight for the bottom, an anger that lurked under dark, still waters. On the surface, he was calm. And Oswald sliding into this mode was very dangerous indeed, as he set about silently making his plans...

He folded the covers back.

“I'm getting dressed,” he said, “Would you help me with my shoes, Edward?”

Ed smiled. He didn't know what was about to happen, but Riddler was feeling rather happy and it was something he wanted to go along with, too. He didn't need to ask where Oswald planned on going. He was going to visit Jim. This felt like the old days, the Penguin and the Riddler together again, and maybe later, their union would be complete, with Oswald in his arms. His sympathy for Jim was gone. He deserved a life too, he deserved to be with Oswald. This was his chance to prove it...

By the time Oswald was ready to leave, Ed was no longer apprehensive. He had embraced full Riddler mode. What happened next was up to Oswald. He had every right to be angry, and from this moment, there was no holding back. He was entirely on his side...

 

A short while later, after checking on puppy Edward and leaving him in the front room with a bowl of water a favourite toy, Oswald was satisfied he would come to no harm left alone for a while, and then he walked out of the house with Ed, leaning hard on his cane as he limped towards Ed's car.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I am very sure!” Oswald said angrily, his sights set on the car as he limped faster without Ed's help.

“Then I won't ask again,” Ed replied, and they reached the car and Ed opened up the door for Oswald, who got quickly. Ed noticed his anger seemed to have brought a little more of his strength back. The circumstances were not ideal, but at least Oswald was improving...

As Ed started up the car he felt like the tables had finally turned.

_Was he allowed to gloat over that?_

_Did he even want to?_

It wasn't the kind of situation where he could laugh and celebrate to think this bombshell had probably ended Jim and Oswald's relationship. But he needed to be selfish, too. He needed to acknowledge his own pain and its end, and embrace the fact that he had a strong chance of happiness with Oswald now. He deserved some happiness, too... If this was his chance to make his relationship with Oswald solid, he was grabbing it with both hands. Life was short, too short to live in regret for what might have been...

 

They drove in silence as they headed for the city. Then Ed spoke up, and he felt stronger now he was all Riddler with none of Ed's hesitation.

“I realise this is a tough day for you, but when we get home, it's going to be great. And I want no disagreement from you, Oswald,” he glance at him as strength burned in his eyes and he felt like he had just gained a new lease on life, “Don't get me wrong, I know this is painful. But I will stand by you for the rest of you life! I will be proud to stand at your side and I will never let you down!”

Oswald glanced at him. Ed had looked back at the road, but he felt the heat of his gaze and glanced at him again, and he knew that look. Oswald was thinking about every fight they had ever had back in the old days.

“Yes, I know we've been enemies at times, but that was long ago,” Ed reminded him, “I'm all yours, Oswald!”

He had said that with such passion, that despite the circumstances, his words made him smile.

“Is that the end of your passionate speech or would you care to add more, Ed?”

He glanced at him again, taking in the sight of Oswald looking plump and immaculate in his suit, wearing his monocle and top hat, and he smiled as he spoke again.

“Yes,” he replied, looking to the road ahead once more, “I will add this - I realise you feel self conscious about your weight gain, but I love it. And your new look is damned hot!”

Oswald felt his cheeks flush as he smiled and looked away. _Ed meant that. He was crazy about him. He always had been, and maybe the best, most precious things in life were worth waiting for, even if it meant waiting for years until the time was right..._

His thoughts turned back to Jim. Oswald's smile faded as his gaze turned to ice. He just hoped Ed would understand what he planned it do, because this betrayal had cut deep. He would be reminded of its aftermath every time he looked into a mirror, every time he had a crazy nightmare, and every time he had to turn his head further than he used to because had lost an eye. _Jim was going to pay for this, Oswald was decided. And Ed didn't know he was carrying a gun..._

 

Barbara Kean had made the most of the bright morning, taking Johnny to the park and as she pushed him on the swing and he laughed and watched the bigger children play, she was smiling too. She loved to see her son's face light up, his eyes shining as he smiled, he had his father's looks and sometimes she was sure it was only this precious child that kept her going, that gave her a solid reason to hope for the future. She had always loved Jim, and to have his child was a precious gift that had changed her life.

The only downside was that Jim was hardly ever around. Her smile faded as she gently pushed her son's swing, and she cast a glance around the park at the other parents with their kids. Her heart ached as the thought _Daddy should be here_ ran though her mind. She was glad for Jim that he was with Oswald, even more so now, after that terrible accident. She felt the blame for it as much as Jim did. It broke her heart to see him so tired and constantly worried and watching out for Oswald, never knowing what mood he would be in or what would be going through his mind after he woke up from a restless night of bad dreams that left him out of touch with the real world. Jim had paid a heavy price for staying silent about his son, and he was still paying that price... She guessed they both would, forever.

Theirs had been a tangled love story of stops and starts and break ups and moments swerving from love to hate and back again. But having a child together could have made a difference. She had never got to find out if her theory was true, because Jim had wanted to try again with Oswald. He had tried too hard, deciding to keep his son a secret. Even in a city like this one with all its corruption and darkness, sometimes honesty had to be the best policy and in this situation, to be otherwise had been a recipe for disaster... She felt as if there was an empty space at her side where Jim should be standing, taking a turn to push his son on the swing. In that moment she had never felt so alone. Then Johnny looked at her and laughed and she saw so much of Jim in his face that she couldn't help but smile, too... Kids had a way of taking out the worst of all the pain of life, her son had brought so much light and hope, even now, when she knew the price she paid would be heavy, with his father hardly ever there to see him as he grew up, he was still the best thing that had ever happened to her.

She decided, she would call Jim. If Oswald was having a good day, maybe she could bring their son over and Jim could spend some time with him...

As her son swung gently in the sunshine and watched the bigger kids on the climbing frame and the slide, Barbara took out her phone and gave him a call. It rang several times and when he answered, he sounded tired.

“Barbara, is Johnny okay?”

“Yes, he's just fine,” she assured him, smiling as she spoke, “We're over at the park.”

“Don't keep him out too long. Remember he's been sick.”

“It was a short virus, Jim! He's fine now. I was wondering how Oswald is today? If he's having a good day, maybe I can bring Johnny over for an hour?”

“Yes, that would be great. I'm at the apartment today – me and Oz are moving into the mansion soon, but I decided to take some time off and have a day to myself for once. Oswald's okay, Ed's taking care of him. I think Ethan's back later too. Come over, Id love to see you both.”

Barbara's smile got bigger.

“Actually we're not too far away. We're leaving soon, can we come over now?”

“Sure, why not?”

I'll see you soon, then.”

Barbara ended the call, then lifted her son from the swing and as she held him up and he saw her smile, he smiled too.

“Guess what?” she said excitedly, “We're going to see Daddy!”

 

Jim had spent his morning quietly, as soon as he had arrived, he had slumped down on the sofa and closed his eyes, feeling free of all worry and pressure as he grabbed an hour's sleep. Then Barbara had called, so now he was up and tidying the apartment and getting ready to see his son. He had intended the day to be quiet and mostly spent sleeping, but knowing he had a chance to spend time with Johnny, on a relaxed day, felt like a gift. As the buzzer sounded, he smiled, and hit the intercom at once.

“Come up, I can't wait to see you!” he said brightly, then he hurried to the door with a smile on his face, waiting to welcome his family.

The wait was short.

As a knock on the other side of the door, he opened it up at once, and was stunned to see Oswald standing there, glaring at him.

“Hello Jim,” he said bitterly, “We need to talk!” and he pushed past him, as Ed followed.

“What's going on?” Jim demanded, seeing rage in Oswald's furious gaze.

“I think you know,” was all Ed said in reply.

Oswald gave Jim a shove towards the front room.

“You disgust me!” he said in anger.

Jim stepped back, then briefly held up his hands, looking cautiously at his husband. _Was Oswald out of touch with reality again?_

“I didn't send you to jail for ten years,” he reminded him as he backed into the front room and Oswald followed as Ed joined him, standing back and watching the scene unfold.

The light reflected off Oswald's monocle as his sighted eye regarded him coldly.

“ _I know you didn't.”_

“And there was no war. Oswald, what ever this is about, Ed should be reminding you of the facts -”

“Oh, I have,” Ed told him as he stood back, letting Oswald vent his anger, “I had no choice under the circumstances.”

“ _You betrayed me, Jim!”_ Oswald said as fury burned in his gaze. Then he whipped out a gun, holding it firmly, aiming it at Jim.

“ _Oh shit...”_ Ed whispered as Jim stepped back, looking in utter shock at him, _“Oswald, what the fuck? Put the gun away, this is Jim!”_

Oswald kept his aim firm as he shook his head. Then look in his eyes was one of pure ice, in that moment Ed knew Oswald was back – as recovered as he ever would be, and right now, he was looking at Penguin, king of the underworld.

“I know the truth! I remembered! You slept with Barbara while we were apart and chose not to tell me. She had your child and you _still_ chose not to tell me! You waited far too long to confess and when I found out and drove off in a rage, I had the accident. _BECAUSE OF YOU!_ ”

Jim's heart was racing as he looked from the gun to Oswald. Right now, Oswald was not unsteady. He was the same guy he used to be, with murder in his gaze, too... Oswald's finger was hovering on the trigger.

“You will pay for what you did to me, Jim! That accident destroyed my life! And you still couldn't admit the cause?”

“Oswald listen to me...” Jim was standing there pleading with him, he didn't carry a weapon any more, he wasn't cop any more and even if he did have a gun within reaching distance, there was no way he could bring himself to threaten Oswald, even now under these circumstances...

“I was going to tell you!”

“When? Next year, five years from now, or never?”

“Pleas put the gun down,” Jim said, “We can talk about this!”

“We _are_ talking!” Oswald said sharply, keeping his aim steady, “I just want to hear your pathetic excuses before I pull the trigger! _You destroyed my life!_ ”

“Oswald,” Ed said cautiously, “Maybe you should put it down. If you kill him and the cops try and pin it on you I'll have to say it was me and take the blame for you and go to jail - because I love you too much to see you locked away!”

Ed's words had impact, but not enough for Oswald to think about lowering that gun as he limped closer to Jim, glaring at him in fury.

“Do you know what it's like for me? Waking from nightmares, not knowing what is real any more? Do you look in the mirror and see a hole in your face where your eye used to be? No. You just live your life keeping your secret. _I'm the one who paid for your mistake, Jim!_ ”

 

Barbara had reached the open door of the apartment. She heard voices drifting out, but didn't catch what was said. As her lively son recognised where he was, he tugged away from her hand, toddling off inside.

“Daddy!” he called.

“Wait for me!” Barbara said, following quickly inside.

Johnny followed the sound of the voices, and toddled into the room, straight past Oswald and over to Jim.

“Daddy!” he said again, then he turned and looked up at Oswald, remembering him at once.

“Hi Oz,” he said, and smiled.

Oswald looked down in shock at the kid standing in front of him, then he moved his finger away from the trigger.

“Edward,” he said quickly, and lowered the gun swiftly, placing it behind his back and out of sight of the little boy in a fluid movement that surprised Ed, who stepped forward, took the gun and slipped it into his pocket.

Barbara had just joined them in time to see the gun passed to Ed, who had quickly hidden it away.

“What the hell is going on?” she demanded as Jim lifted his son into his arms and carried him over to the sofa and then sat down.

“Oswald was upset, understandably,” he shot him an angry look, a silent look that said he wouldn't forgive a gun being waved about in his son's presence.

“I know everything!” Oswald said angrily.

Barbara's eyes reflected deepest apology.

“You and Jim were not together when we -”

“ _But he never told me!”_

“I didn't want to hurt you,” Jim said quietly, giving his son a hug as the young child stayed oblivious to the situation that was unfolding.

Oswald leaned on his cane, taking a deep breath as he limped over to Jim. He took off his wedding ring and placed it on the table.

“We're over,” he stated, “Because you lied – _twice!_ Even after the accident, you just couldn't tell me the truth!”

Jim looked down at the wedding band on the table as he blinked away tears.

“If you let me explain, I'm sure it will all make sense, in time it will grow on you...”

Oswald shot him a sour look.

“Maybe it will. But I can't see the nightmares ending any time soon and I'm damned sure I won't be growing another eye, either! Even after all that happened, you couldn't tell me why we had that fight. You looked at me every day, watching me struggle and you still couldn't clear your conscience!”

“It wasn't like that, I was protecting you!”

“You wanted to protect yourself!” Oswald said bitterly, “And I'm done here. Edward, take me home.”

He turned away and began to limp towards the door. Ed followed him out, placing a hand on his back to be sure he was still steady after so much upset. The door of the apartment closed behind them and Jim looked to Barbara with tears in his eyes.

“I've lost him,” he said as tears glazed his eyes.

Barbara looked at Jim with sympathy, then she sat beside him, words failing her as Jim tried to hold back on weeping in front of his son, who had no clue what had just happened. She wished she could find the right words to make this situation better, but there were none with the power to undo this disaster. It was a complete mess, and the sight of Oswald's wedding ring there on the table only confirmed it: _Jim's marriage was over..._

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Ed couldn't help smiling when they returned home. Then he looked at Oswald, who was not returning his enthusiasm, and his smile faded.

“I'm going to lie down,” Oswald told him, “Alone,” he had added firmly.

Then as he limped away up the stairs insisting he needed no help, Ed lingered at the bottom, watching nervously as he made the climb. He got there okay, and Ed breathed a relieved sigh. Then Edward the puppy started trying to chew at his shoe.

“No, don't do that,” said Ed, scooping him up, “Let's take you upstairs to Daddy.”

As he entered the bedroom, his heart ached for Oswald, who was sobbing quietly as he sat by the window. He put the puppy in his arms and Oswald looked down at him, managed a smile and then began to stroke his soft fur. The puppy curled up in his arms feeling loved and contented.

“If you're not sure about this, maybe you should call him,” Ed said quietly, “I do love you but I want you to be happy. You and Jim were so deeply in love. See? I _can_ be unselfish! And no, I'm not saying that to try and change your mood for personal reasons. I don't want to see you unhappy. I thought when you walked out of there, you were okay with your decision. Are you, or not?”

He drew in a sharp breath, wondering if he would live to regret that question.

Oswald had been looking down at his bulldog. He looked up slowly and nodded.

“I still love Jim, of course I do,” he said quietly.

If Ed had thought he was ready for this possibility, he was wrong. Tears stung sharply at his eyes as he turned away, taking a slow breath as he braced himself for the rest of the bad news.

“But I can't erase how I feel about you,” he added quietly.

Ed's crashed hopes began to rise, cautiously along with the quickening of his heart as he turned back to Oswald.

“I could make you very happy. And when you're fully recovered, whatever you want to do, I'm there! The Penguin and the Riddler! We could have been so good for each other in the old days if only we'd stopped fighting and appreciated what we could have had. But I can see that now, and it's not too late!”

Oswald was still holding his puppy. Hearing Ed's words made him smile as he thought back to old times, and every scheme they had ever plotted.

“We do make a good team,” he agreed, “And my feelings for you remain the same, Ed.”

Ed's eyes stung with tears.

“Can I hold you?”

Oswald carefully set Edward down on the floor and the puppy sniffed the soft rug, then curled up on it comfortably.

“Yes,” was all he said, and as Ed sat beside him and embraced him, his heart was pounding. This was a chance to make amends, to grab all those ragged threads of lost and wasted opportunities and make them into something beautiful. He loved him, he wanted to make this work...

Oswald's sudden kiss was a surprise, a wonderful surprise. He had not been expecting more than an embrace, but Oswald wrapped his arms around him and claimed his mouth before he could say another word, pulling him close, sliding his hands over his shoulders as they shared a moment that answered all of his questions and silenced all of his doubts.

 

At the apartment, Jim had been comforted by Barbara, who struggled to find the right words, words that wouldn't sound badly chosen or not healing enough. She just wanted to see him happy again, but after this, she wondered if he could ever get over such a loss. The lie had hung over them for so long, like a shadow that covered everything, taking all the joy out of life as Jim had tried to help Oswald and mend all that was shattered. For it to end this way seemed so unfair, even if Jim and Oswald being together and most of Jim's time taken up by looking after him meant he saw little of his son, at least then, no more pain had been caused. She did acknowledge her own loss and sense of sacrifice, having her child''s father so frequently absent from her son's life, but under the circumstances, it had to be that way. Now, to ask for more, seemed insensitive. But Jim was smiling as he talked to his son and helped him to draw a picture. Seeing the two of them together like that was heart warming. Barbara felt as if the three of them were wrapped in that warm and comforting invisible blanket that only _family_ could bring. It was a rare, close family day.

_It would have been much happier if not for the heartbreak Jim had gone through._

“Maybe we could spend more time together,” Barbara said softly as she set a coffee down on the table, “I mean you and Johnny – father and son time.”

Jim nodded.

“I've missed out on so much of his life... But I want Oswald back.”

“I know you do,” she told him, “And maybe you can talk to him – but not today. Let the dust settle first, see how he feels, just wait.”

“I still love him,” Jim said quietly, “I just want him back, Barbara.”

“And I want you to be happy,” she agreed. It was all she could say. It broke her heart to see Jim so tearful.

Jim said no more, picking up Oswald's discarded wedding ring and sliding on to his finger, to sit above his own.

 

Back at the mansion, that first kiss had led to so much more as Oswald took solace in Ed's arms. Now his clothing and Ed's were discarded about the floor in a messy heap as for once in their lives, the two best dressed criminals in Gotham didn't care about the creases in their suits. They were both naked, on the bed and as Ed turned up the vibrator and pushed it in deeper, Oswald's back arched and he gave a moan of pleasure. He hadn't been expecting this at all – but when Ed had broken off from their first embrace to say he needed to fetch something, he had certainly been in for a surprise. Ed watched as his lover's heavy, naked body trembled and he slowly drew out the sex toy and turned it off, pausing to pushed lubed fingers deep inside as Oswald gave a groan of desperation. He was on the edge, and his cock was rock solid, but Ed didn't want this to be over yet.

“Just lie back and let me do the work,” he whispered, taking in the sight of Oswald's shaking thighs as he spread his legs wider, he was reaching for him as Ed lined up with his more than ready entrance, and then slid deep inside in a single, firm thrust.

“ _Ed!”_ he gasped, and Ed responded by running his hand over his heavy lover's generous curves as his whole body jolted with each thrust.

Being inside Oswald and thrusting deep, feeling his body shake as his rock solid cock leaked and he pounded into him, felt like heaven. He was finally making love with Oswald, and it was even better than he had hoped. They felt so perfect together, so right – and Oswald's hand was on his cock and moving in desperate jerks as his face flushed and sweat shone on his pale flesh as he gave a gasp and then a sharp cry as he spilled his come hot and fast over his own hand. Some of that come had shot up and hit Ed's flesh, and the feel of every throb as his walls tightened, squeezing his cock as he buried it deep, was too much. Ed came yelling his name.

 

As the evening darkened down, Oswald ached all over as he lay in Ed's arms, feeling tired but satisfied as his lover stroked his hair and he rested his head on his chest, listening to the sound of Ed's heartbeat. Ed smiled as he spoke up, enjoying the feel of his plump lover in his arms.

“I knew some day we would work out, Oswald. I always hoped for it.”

Oswald raised his head. His thoughts had been caught between this moment with Ed and thoughts of Jim. His finger felt odd, like there was something missing without that gold band and all it stood for. This was a feeling he had to get used to, being with Ed, yet Jim was gone, and it had happened so fast... And while his heart was filled with love for Ed, that break down its middle was all about missing Jim. He had never known it could go so deep.

“...And I think, once you're ready and the divorce has gone through, we should think about getting married,” Ed said.

He had said a lot more, too – but half of it was lost on him as he lay there in silence, thankful to be in Ed's arms. The scent of their bodies, close and hot after lovemaking was sweet and musky and mingled together in a new and pleasing way. _But he wasn't Jim..._

“Oswald?” said Ed, “Did you hear what I said to you?”

“Yes...And it's too early to make plans for the future... And I'm tired,” Oswald replied quietly.

Ed placed a soft kiss on his brow above his blinded eye.

“It's time we went to sleep, honey. You look exhausted.”

Oswald had no time to reply as Ed turned out the light, then pulled him closer, snuggling up warm and contented as he closed his eyes. Oswald felt an ache in his chest as he thought of Jim, and as he lay awake while Ed slept deeply, everything that truly mattered ran through his mind:

He had not been ready for the truth that lurked behind that locked door in his mind, and then everything had hit him at once, the anger, the memory of the crash, - or at least, its aftermath and the cost to him, the loss of his eye, his shattered memory, all because he had driven off in a rage...

But of course he would be angry. Jim had told him about a child he had fathered during their split, a time when he should have been doing anything but jumping back into bed with his ex – or maybe that had been a deciding time for Jim, back to an old love, recalling the old times, perhaps by doing that, he had realised the past was gone, and that relationship could go no further – and then he knew for sure who his heart had truly chosen. Maybe that had been the day Jim had decided to come back to him, after visiting a past love to say goodbye to yesterday...

He slowly shifted back, resting his head on the pillow as he looked at Ed, who was on his back and sleeping soundly.

_Was this the same?_

_Jim dropped a bombshell so he flew into a rage, he pulled a gun and handed back his wedding ring and slept with Ed Nygma?_

_Was this his revenge?_

_If it was, it felt hollow, as much as he loved Ed. He loved Ed in the way he had always loved him, but Jim? No, Jim Gordon had been so much more. Jim was the greatest love of his life._

Oswald tried to weep quietly. He couldn't wake Ed and let him see him like this, they had made love and it had been great and Ed was offering him all of his heart and his future.

_But no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop loving Jim._

That was when it hit him, a single truth he knew he could not bury, because he had already suffered the consequence of secrets and there was no way he would be the one to start off another chain of deception. Come morning, he had to be ready to salvage a mess that this time, was of his own making...

 

While Oswald slept, the city burned and he felt the heat of the flames. He smelled the stench of war and destruction and woke up with his wrists pinned to the mattress as daylight shone through the window, hitting his sighted eye sharply as he looked up and saw Ed looking down at him.

“Shh,” he said softly, “It's only a bad dream, Oswald...”

As he looked up at Ed he felt it again, that calming familiar connection of strong memories that linked back to the distant past, and it felt like a lifeline. The blurring lines between reality and nightmares faded. As he relaxed, Ed let go, pausing to stroke his hair.

“You're okay now, Oswald.”

“Yes, I'm fine,” he confirmed, and as Ed got out of bed, he watched as he paused to stretch his back and then he grabbed his dressing gown.

“I'd better let the dog out and make you some tea,” he said, “Do you feel like getting up yet?”

“No,” Oswald said in a hushed tone, and Ed heard something in his voice that worried him as he turned his head, looking at him with concern.

“Is something wrong, was it the nightmare getting to you?”

As Oswald sat up, he cast him an apologetic glance.

“I get them all the time, Ed. And I seem to be getting over them better these days. Maybe I'm getting used to it.”

Ed tied his dressing gown as sadness reflected in his gaze as he looked back at Oswald.

“You shouldn't have to live with those crazy dreams, it's not fair.”

“I also lost an eye,” Oswald shrugged, “That's not fair either... but let's be honest about this – I was the one driving carelessly.”

“ _Because Jim upset you!”_

“But he wasn't in the car. He didn't crash it, _I_ did,” Oswald replied.

Ed felt his heart start to beat faster as anxiety crept in. He didn't like the way this conversation was going... _Oswald had made love with him, last night had been great...was this going to all come crashing down?_

“Oswald, please stop defending him! You have _NO_ idea how afraid I was for you after the accident, I care too, loving you isn't the exclusive right of Jim Gordon!”

“But he's the one I married, Ed.”

“Yes, I understand that, of course I do,” Ed's voice was hushed.

Then he noticed Oswald's sighted eye was tearful. He started to blink rapidly and Ed was there at once, with his arms around him. He held him tightly, and he felt safe in that embrace, Ed's temper had spiked as he had spoken so defensively about Jim, but the Ed of old was long gone. He was older and wiser now, he loved him too much to lash out or let his temper get the better of him in any way. As he drew back, Ed was also fighting back tears as he wiped Oswald's eye with a gentle brush of his fingertip, wiping away the tear from his face as he wished he could wipe them as easily from his heart.

“I was worried about you too,” Ed added, “I was crying, I was afraid of losing you. I had my own regrets that day too – I'd waited too long, stayed silent too long, let another man take you as his husband, I didn't even have the guts to show up at the wedding. I got so drunk the night before I couldn't get out of bed. I was hopeless! But not now, I'm here for you.”

Oswald looked at him. In that look, in a single glance, Ed knew all he needed to understand:

_Yes, Oswald loved him. Really loved him. But another had come along before he had ever been wise enough to realise just how precious that love could have been, and to this day, despite everything, Oswald was still in love..._

“You can say it,” he said in a hushed voice, sliding his fingers through his hair and gently holding the back of his head, forcing Oswald to look him in the eye, “This is going one of three ways. Either we draw a line under this while we can still lay it to rest and be close friends, or we go on and straight into disaster because I can see another man in your heart when you look at me. Or... option three, we hope for the unlikely event that maybe you can get over Jim. I really don't think that's going to happen any time soon but no matter what, I have no regrets that we happened!” Ed started to smile, thinking of Oswald and how deeply he loved him and how he wanted to put his happiness first, because his heart and conscience could have it no other way.

“You crashed the car because Jim upset you,” he said, feeling thankful Riddler was his strongest side and even now could see something to be glad about in this, “And despite your terrible injuries, you stayed with him and he didn't tell you the truth – again. You sensed that all the long – that there was some kind of hurt inflicted on you and you couldn't recall it, but you knew it was there. But...You still love him. If you ever feel the need the redress the balance Oswald, what we've shared more than does that! And I have no regrets and either should you. Now, you can tell me what's on your mind. I'm ready to hear it.”

Oswald took a slow breath, and as he released the words that had been trapped in his heart, he freed the only truth that mattered and would ever matter.

“ _I still love Jim,”_ he said, _“And I want him back.”_

 

Ed had wiped his eyes more than once that morning as he made breakfast and then took five minutes to splash cold water on his face to take the redness from his eyes. He loved Oswald. He had always loved him. But he wanted him to be happy, because this love was real and unselfish and as much as he wished Oswald had wiped out all love for Jim as he pulled that gun on him, he knew it wasn't going to happen. Riddler was positive about the whole thing, reminding him, _We gave it our best shot. You've made love to him. You've held him, you've dried his tears. You've saved him from his nightmares. What more could we do for the one we love? So what if he chooses Jim, he's still our best friend. Ed, you've done well. Even I'm surprised..._

His heart didn't feel broken. Ed had expected to feel enraged or jealous or hurt – but no. Instead as he saw a look of optimism in Oswald's eyes as he said goodbye to puppy Edward, and he felt happy, seeing such hope in his gaze. He didn't want Oswald to suffer or pine, he knew what pining felt like – he had spent a long time pining of Oz after he had married Jim – but if Jim was the one to make him smile every day, he couldn't ask for better for him... Just to know Oswald was happy, was enough. Maybe the lovemaking they had shared had cleared the tension from the air, given them both the clarity of thought they needed to negotiate what had once been a potentially volatile situation.

“What do you think?” Oswald asked as he stood there in the bedroom, dressed in a dark suit, his monocle shiny and his hair styled to perfection.

Ed smiled.

“You look great,” he assured him.

“And I'm ready to speak to Jim,” Oswald added.

Ed took a deep breath. Part of him wanted to grab Oswald and pin him to the wall, forcing a kiss on him that would wipe out every other kiss that had gone before it, imprinting his name on his heart forever, making him change his mind. But life wasn't like that and nor should it be. Oswald had made his choice, and he respected it.

“Let's go, then,” he said, and as they left the bedroom together, Ed paused.

“You'd better let me help you down the stairs,” he reminded him.

“I think I can manage,”Oswald replied.

“You can mange going up,”Ed reminded him, pausing to lift the puppy into his arm and then putting a protective arm around Oswald's thick waist, “But let me help you down, please.”

They exchanged a smile.

“You'll always be my best friend,” Oswald told him.

“I know,” Ed replied, and those words went straight to his heart.

 

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Ed set the puppy on the floor and just then the front door opened and Ethan strolled in. Ed and Oswald both looked at each other, then at Ethan, who sensed something was up.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” Oswald replied, smiling warmly, “Everything is fine, Ethan. Jim decided to stay at the apartment last night, he needed a break, he was tired – my fault. We're just on our way over to pick him up.”

Puppy Edward came over and started to bite on Ethan's shoe.

“Hey, stop that!” he said, and scooped the puppy into his arms, “I'll take care of Edward while you're out,” he told his Dad, then he walked off down the hallway, fussing over the pup as he told him he had better not try and eat his shoes again.

Ed looked at Oswald as his eyes clouded with concern.

“Don't be too optimistic about this.”

“What's _that_ supposed to mean?” Oswald demanded, “You think because we had a brief affair, you know everything?”

Ed started to smile. It was crazy, he was expecting to feel heartbroken – but he didn't. He still loved Oswald as he always had, and his happiness came first and if he wanted to give it another shot with Jim, he supported that. Anything to see Oswald happy...

“What are you smiling about?” Oswald demanded.

Ed chuckled.

“You sound just like you again,” he said, “The old Oswald's back. That makes me more than happy!”

Oswald leaned on his cane and led the way to the door.

“Let's just get this over with, I need to speak to Jim.”

 

Across town, Jim was already up, because kids got up way too early, and they were full of energy and enthusiasm. His son's smile made him smile, even though his heart felt empty and aching. Barbara had let Johnny sleep over that night, for the first time ever, he had his son staying for the night, and they had shared shared proper family time while he looked after him all by himself. Now his little boy was sitting on the floor watching cartoons while Jim had his morning coffee.

He set the cup down and paused to twist the ring that sat above his own - Oswald's ring. That sharp ache came back to his chest as he missed him deeply. He thought about the events of the day before, Oswald in a raging fury and pulling a gun on him, that had taken him back to the old days as never before had he felt the line that divided them so deeply – a cop and a criminal in love. Enough people had said it would end badly. Enough had wished it on him, why would Jim Gordon of the GCPD want Oswald Cobblepot, high profile crime lord? But those who had thought that way didn't know about love. They didn't know it was the heart that chose and spoke for the mind, cancelling out all reason and doubt. He didn't blame Oswald for feeling as he did, after all that had happened, finding out so much had been kept from him – he had reacted with the same anger as before, but this time it had been bitter and deep and raging, and rightly so...

But all the same it felt like the presence of his son was the only ray of light in a grey world without Oswald at his side. He knew in a heartbeat, he would gladly wipe out the events of the day before if it meant he could be back in his arms, he would take him with his crazy dreams and his confusion and all the times he needed to remind him there was no truth in his nightmares. He would take him with his faults and see him as perfect with all imperfections remaining, he would love him because he was Oswald, and take him in his arms and never let him go again.

Outside, the skies had started to darken and rain had begun to lightly fall, echoing the sentiments of his heart. He tried not to think about Oswald who was probably at home, still furious. Maybe even making out with Ed Nygma. If he was, he didn't blame him, not after what he had found out...

 

“ _Are you certain you want to do this?”_

There was anxiety in Ed's voice as he asked that question.

Oswald turned his head, looking into Ed's eyes as he paused for thought. They were outside the building where Jim lived, parked up and he was ready to get out and press the buzzer and hope Jim answered. But Ed's question had given him pause for thought.

“Are you still angry with him?” Ed added, “because if you are, today is not the day to do this...” he took a tight breath as he hoped this wouldn't end in disaster, “Also, are you armed today?”

A flash of anger came to Oswald's sighted eye as the glass one registered nothing.

“Of course not! That was a big mistake, one I shall never repeat.”

Ed reached for Oswald's hand, closing it tightly in his grasp as he looked at him intently.

“Are you certain you want to do this? Because if you're not sure, we can turn around, go home and start again - you and I. But if you want Jim, I support your decision all the way. I just want you to be happy. I'm getting too old to be jealous and possessive and I have far too many regrets to repeat past mistakes. We've always been better as friends. The sex was great, and I do love you. But I know what you need to do.”

His hand was still in his grip, Oswald looked down at it, then managed a brief smile as he gave his hand a squeeze, then let go.

“I'm ready for this.”

“Don't quarrel with him.”

“I won't!”

Ed got out of the car first, then as Oswald opened the passenger door , he helped him out as he leaned on his cane and then put up his umbrella and they stood there in the shadow of the building, as Oswald paused to look up, with Jim on his mind.

“And it's better if you don't tell him what happened between us. Any of it. _Ever!_ ” Ed took the umbrella, holding it over both of them as light rain continued to fall.

Oswald looked at him sharply.

“I think we drew a line under that before we left the house!”

Ed gave a heavy sigh.

“Yes we did, and it will always be a great memory. But please don't ever mention any of it – not if you want to turn this situation around.”

Oswald limped up to the entrance, his finger poised over the buzzer.

“Are you sure about this?” Ed asked again.

“Yes! Yes I am sure!” Oswald snapped, “ _Stop_ asking me the same question!”

“I just want to be sure you're not going to regret it.”

Oswald drew his hand away from the buzzer and he turned, leaning on his cane.

“Why would I regret it? I know what I want to do.”

Ed didn't want to say it, but he felt sure a warning was better in advance than getting a possible nasty shock. Or maybe it was just the way his mind worked, if he had been in Jim's shoes...

“Barbara was there when we left. She might still be there. Maybe they decided to rekindle the flame?”

Oswald rolled his eyes.

“That flame was out a long time ago!” he said, and with no further hesitation, hit the buzzer and then waited, as Ed looked on, worrying silently.

“Who is it?” Jim asked, and Oswald's heart skipped a beat as he blinked away tears.

“It's me, Jim.”

“Are you armed?” he asked.

“Of course not!”

There was a pause.

“What do you want now?” Jim said.

“To apologise.”

_Silence._

Ed felt his heart lurch as he watched Oswald standing there, waiting, getting no reply. In that second he swore if Jim didn't talk to him, didn't listen, didn't let him him in, he would put his arm around him, lead him back to the car and take him home – and James Gordon would never, _ever_ get another chance with Oswald again... _I'm still in love with him_ , he concluded silently. But when had he not loved Oswald? At least he had memories now that before, were merely unreachable dreams. He had showed him his love. Maybe that had helped to heal him. Oswald was a lot better than he had been before all this had happened, which was surprising. Perhaps it had taken a shake up like this to bring Oswald back again, to the person he used to be... Knowing that was enough to heal the ache in his heart. Now, he just wanted Oswald to be happy.

 

Up in the apartment, while his son watched TV in the next room, Jim was leaning against the wall, his hand below the intercom as tears filled his eyes.

“Jim,” he heard Oswald say, “I'm outside, I want to speak to you! _Please?_ ”

He heard pain in his voice and he stifled a sob, fighting back tears as he remembered his son was in the next room and wouldn't understand why Daddy was crying.

He raised his hand, slowly, feeling the weight of the air as if it had turned to lead as he ached to put right the terrible mistakes of the past. He hit the button.

“ _Come up,”_ he said quietly.

 

As Oswald pushed the door and limped inside quickly, Ed followed, closing the umbrella. Oswald turned back and looked up at him.

“I can take it from here, Ed!”

“Unless you you two have another fight,” Ed reminded him, “No, I'm not leaving until I know you're okay. I'll just wait by the door. I need to be sure you're not getting hurt.”

“Since when did I struggle to defend myself?” Oswald demanded.

“Since the accident. I'm coming with you!”

Oswald headed straight for the elevator and hit the button. Ed stood beside him, waiting. As the doors opened and Oswald got in first, he followed.

The ride up to Jim's floor was made in tense silence.

When they reached the floor, Oswald led the way and Ed hurried after him, in time to catch up just before they reached Jim's door and as he caught Oswald's arm, he turned back and glared at him.

“Stop being so protective!”

“I'm here for you no matter what.”

“I know that.”

As Oswald looked into his eyes, he remembered his kiss, his touch, every moment they had shared together. But their friendship had been longer, and far more enduring. And his heart was crying out for Jim.

“I'll just wait by the door,” Ed reminded him, “In case this goes wrong.”

Oswald nodded as his expression softened.

“Thanks Ed,” he said softly, “For everything.”

Ed smiled as love flooded his heart.

“You're welcome, Oz,” he replied. Then he let Oswald lead the way as he limped hard and fast towards Jim's door as Ed followed on, silently hoping Oswald would get his way and this time, his broken heart would be mended...

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers :-)
> 
> This is the final chapter of this fic, and I hope it's being enjoyed and it has certainly been a different kind of fic for me because my stories usually have lots of threads and this one is quite short and very emotion centred, I've enjoyed writing it very much and I actually had two possible endings for this fic, I decided to go with this one as I think it works very well.
> 
> And I'll just mention that my NEXT fic will be starting pretty soon and it will be a big fic and have four versions of Penguin in it :D If you liked my (unrelated) two Penguins fic, you will love my new one! It's on the way soon :D
> 
> Happy reading!  
> Love, Davina X

Chapter 7

 

As the door opened, Oswald walked straight into Jim's waiting arms and the two men clung to each other, Oswald holding on tight as Jim pressed his head against his shoulder and openly wept.

“ _I'm so sorry, Oz!”_ he said tearfully, “ _I blame myself every day for the accident! I think about what you still go through, it's all my fault!”_

Jim raised his head from his shoulder. He was shaking, his eyes were red and his face was streaked with tears.

“ _Please stay, I'm sorry, I love you, I fucking love you, Oswald!”_

Oswald drew back, pausing to brush the tears from his eyes.

“Jim,” he said tenderly, “I love you too. All is forgiven,” he smiled through the tears that glazed his undamaged eye, “I was so very wrong yesterday. _I'm sorry too!_ ”

Oswald pulled him close again, silencing him with a kiss as Jim closed his eyes, holding on tight as more tears leaked from his eyes.

“I love you, Jim,” Oswald repeated as emotion made his voice tremble, “I'm not leaving you, of course I'm not!”

Jim was still holding on to him, and ready to fall to his knees in sheer relief as he saw love reflected in his gaze. _His Oswald, his one and only true love, had almost slipped through his fingers... This could never happen again._

“I'll make you happy,” Jim told him as he blinked away his tears, “I swear, Oswald – I'll never lie, I'll never keep anything from you again...” his voice had choked off once more as he reached out, running his hands through his soft hair.

“ _I fucking love you so much!”_ he sobbed quietly, and then they embraced again.

Ed stood there watching and feeling as if a piece of his heart had just dropped out, lost for ever more. But it wasn't a disaster. If loving Oswald – truly loving him, meant seeing him happy with Jim, it was a sacrifice he had to make. And that sacrifice wasn't too great, it wasn't too painful – he wanted Oswald to be happy again, and now he was happy.

“I'll wait in the car,” he said quietly.

Oswald glanced at him, and love and thanks and deepest gratitude shone in his eyes, going straight to Ed's heart.

“Thanks, Ed,” he told him.

 

As Ed walked off, Barbara bumped into him on her way in, and she stared at the sight of Ed, back here again after the showdown yesterday.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded.

“Shouldn't I be asking you that question?” Ed replied.

“Someone was coming in as I was about to buzz the door, so I came up. I'm here to collect Johnny. Is everything okay?”

Barbara looked worried, and after the incident with the gun, he didn't blame her for feeling that way. While it was great to know Oswald was slowly getting back to his old self, that also meant an angry Oswald was likely to be carrying a weapon again...

“They're fine,” Ed told her, “Oz came over to apologise and they're hugging and crying - and I need to go outside and wait in the car.”

Relief was apparent on her face as soon as he explained.

“They're okay now?”

“Yes, they are,” Ed confirmed.

Barbara smiled.

“Then I'd better not stay too long, they have a lot to talk about.”

Then she walked off towards the apartment as Ed headed for the elevator.

 

They had left the door open, gone through to the front room and shared another kiss as Jim took off Oswald's ring and slipped it back on to his finger.

“I completely take the blame for everything,” Jim said, “Lying to you, upsetting you on the day of the accident, hiding the truth - it was all my fault and I'm sorry!”

Oswald was now somewhat composed as he looked into Jim's eyes. He didn't have to beg or plead and keep on apologising. There was no need for this. Maybe they had both done wrong – Jim blaming himself for the accident and all that had followed, but Oswald knew he had his fair share of blame, too. He had been driving the car that day, not Jim. And like Ed had said to him, if he ever felt resentful over what had triggered that crash, maybe their night together had redressed the balance. They had all done wrong. And if they voiced it and kept on talking about it, this would never be settled. It was time to draw a line under the past...

“I crashed that car, not you,” Oswald said, “And I pulled a gun on you yesterday. That was also my choice - and a mistake. And it's just occurred to me that you have barely seen your son for the first year of his life, because you chose to take care of me instead,” Oswald smiled, sliding his arms around Jim's waist and giving him a squeeze, “That has to change, Jim – from now on I want you to see as much of your son as you possibly can. Go to Barbara's, or bring him over to the mansion. You must see your child, I insist.”

Just then Barbara walked in, and Jim had no time to reply, instead he blinked away more tears and now as he smiled at the mother of his child, all despair was gone from his eyes. He still had his arms wrapped around Oswald, all the way around his wide waist as he held him close, not wanting to let go.

“I see you two have sorted everything out,” she said warmly.

Johnny had come toddling out of the front room, he smiled up at Jim and Oswald, then held up his arms to his mother for a hug.

“Yes, yes,” she said lifting him into her arms “It's time we got your stuff together and took you home!”

“Barbara.”

On hearing Oswald say her name, she turned back.

“Please bring your son over to the mansion. And have Jim over to visit you, too. He needs to see his son. I am well on the road to recovery, Jim doesn't have to lose time with his boy any more.”

Barbara smiled.

“That sounds great, thank you, Oswald,” she replied, then she carried her son off to the next room to collect his overnight belongings.

 

After Barbara had left, pausing to bid a fond farewell to Jim and then Oswald, she had closed the door behind her and walked off, leaving Jim and Oswald alone in the apartment. They had been exchanging glances ever since Barbara had showed up, knowing soon they would be left alone here, and now they were and as Jim took his hand, he spoke softly to him.

“I had a crazy nation you might have slept with Ed, because you hated me so much yesterday. If you did, I don't blame you. I won't even ask. I _don't_ want to know. I just want to hear you say that from now on, it's you and me.”

Oswald's hand was still linked to his. He thought about Ed's advice. _Yes, Jim knew something had happened. And maybe he also felt he had brought it on himself. While Ed had told him never to disclose what had happened between them – and after hearing Jim's opinion on the matter, he saw the logic in that – he did want to correct a few things. This was their new start, and Jim had to let go of his misplaced guilt..._

“I crashed that car,” he reminded him, “I made the choice to do that. Just like pulling the gun on you yesterday. Another bad choice, made by me. I've had time to think and I do understand why you kept the truth from me for so long. I don't recall the accident but I know you went through hell worrying about me, I saw it in your eyes. Sometimes I still do, when I get the nightmares. Stop blaming yourself, Jim. And your son is a lovely child. I want to think of him as part of our family now.”

“Thank you,” Jim said softly, and hugged him tightly.

It felt so good to have him back in his arms, he wanted to keep on holding him, feeling his wide, soft body pressed up against his own, but then Oswald shifted awkwardly as his leg ached and as Jim drew back, he saw he looked tired. Oswald had improved rapidly in recent days, but he had also been through a lot emotionally, and now it was over, his usual exhaustion was starting to kick in. Oswald made a quick call to Ed waiting outside, saying he should leave now because he and Jim wouldn't be home until morning, and when he ended the call, Jim spoke up again.

“You need a lie down,” he said, and before Oswald could protest, he lifted him into his arms and carried him towards the bedroom.

“Jim, I can walk!” Oswald laughed.

“You need to rest,” Jim reminded him, and he carried him into the bedroom and gently laid him on the bed, then leaned in and softly kissed his lips with tenderness that was filled with the promise that Jim would love him forever, and all that had happened before this day to ever come between them was forgotten. This was a new start...

 

Oswald slept deeply for two hours as Jim lay beside him, he had vaguely stirred as Jim carefully undressed him, smiling in his sleep a couple of times. Oz was exhausted. It was to be expected, he was still recovering and had been through so much over the past few days, even though he was improving, with the stress of the situation, Jim was surprised he still had the energy to make it across town that morning. But love had drove him on, giving him the strength he needed.

Now Jim lay in bed beside him, watching him sleep, not wanting to take his eyes off him for one second in case it all evaporated like a beautiful dream. Then Oswald turned his head, taking a sharp breath. To know he was having a nightmare after all he had been through made his heart ache. But as Jim watched him, he started to realise that he would probably always suffer this. Perhaps it was a small price to pay for staying alive...

“ _Oswald,”_ he said softly, touching his face.

He woke sharply, looking up at him with his sighted eye as the other, empty pit looked raw and hollow. His glass eye was out, and next to the bed along with his monocle. But Jim loved the sight of his Oswald, his beautiful face would never be the same again after the accident, but that didn't matter, because he was here, and he was okay, and the rest of it, the cosmetic stuff, was insignificant. He was the man he loved... He leaned closer, tenderly placing a kiss above his blind side.

“You've been dreaming again,” he said softly, stroking his hair as Oswald looked up at him, having a moment of confusion as his thoughts of fire and war and bridges falling faded away.

“A nightmare,” Oswald replied, “But at least I know it's not real now.”

Jim smiled, feeling his hopes soar with the confidence that came with knowing they would not crash down again. _Yes, Oswald was certainly recovering now..._

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too, Jim.”

Jim wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer as they shared a tender kiss. Then Jim slid below the sheets, tracing a path of kisses down his body as Oswald's hand tangled into his hair, gripping lightly as he whispered his name. Jim kissed every inch of him, lingering on his chubby belly as he murmured that he loved his curves, then he went lower, taking him firmly into his mouth, sucking him slowly at first and then harder as Oswald's sighs and then gasps of appreciation encouraged more. Jim took him deep, all the way down, drawing back just in time as Oswald filled his mouth with come and Jim swallowed, sucked again and took down every last drop of his climax.

He expected Oswald to be tired again, but he had strength left to embrace Jim and look into his eyes as he reached for his cock and jerked him off firmly.

“ _How does that feel,”_ he whispered teasingly as his hand worked on Jim's solid hardness, _“The GCPD and the underworld working together, Jim!”_ and that brought a smile to Jim's face and a sparkle to Oswald's eye as Jim threw his head back, giving a sharp cry as his come spurted hot and hard, spattering Oswald's body.

It was a day of kisses and promises not to be broken, a day of making love until the evening fell, and then sleeping in an exhausted embrace. It was everything they had hoped for, a dream fulfilled for both of them – they had a new start, a second chance to make it work...

 

**A Year Later, Wish Granted :**

 

As their eyes met across the Iceberg Lounge, Oswald stood there looking immaculate in his suit, the light catching on his monocle as he smiled fondly. He was leaning on his cane, just like he always did – like he always had, before – like the whole nightmare had never happened.

In that moment, Jim felt the bittersweet sense of victory that was so overwhelming he didn't know if he wanted to go up to Oswald and hug him, or walk out before tears blinded his eyes. A thought ran through his mind:

_I guess I got what I wished for._

_I said I'd have my Oswald back at any cost..._

_No matter what the price..._

He was still looking at Oz, who smiled in a way that made his heart miss a beat. Then Harvey touched his arm and Jim broke the spell, turning his head as his best friend handed him a drink. Harvey caught the look in his eyes and understood exactly what it meant.

“There's Oswald,” he said, indicating towards him as he raised his glass, “I guess you got what you wanted.”

“I guess I did,” Jim said as emotion choked his voice, then he fell silent, thinking about it again: _Yes, he had once said, whatever it takes, that he would give anything... Clearly, his wish had been granted - and the price had been paid..._

A lot had happened in the past year.

Oswald had taken back control of most of his underworld dealings – but still needed help to run things, and Ed and Ethan did a great job of helping out. They both still lived at the mansion, and right now, Ethan was keeping an eye on Edward the dog, who had his eyes on the buffet on the other side of the room. He had already tried to tug at the table cloth to pull down some food. Jim had seen it happen and laughed, looking to Oswald as he said, “He likes his food, just like his Daddy...”

Ethan was over at the bar having a drink. Oswald was close by, smiling as Ed approached him. As they met, Ed gave him a hug and then kissed his cheek.

“Happy birthday, Oswald,” he said warmly, and as he drew back, Oswald looked into his eyes and Ed felt a tiny tug on his heart. But Oswald was not his to love, and that was a willing sacrifice he had made and to this day, he did not regret it. All that had happened, with the memories good and painful, had served to help Oswald to find his way back. And if that was the best gift he would ever give him, Ed could happily live with that. Oswald belonged with Jim. He didn't even feel remotely envious, because he saw him every day, he saw how happy they were together. And most importantly, he saw Oswald improving with every passing day.

As Barbara came over with Johnny, she hugged Oswald and said happy birthday, then Johnny ran over to the food and Barbara hurried after him as Jim laughed. These days he saw a lot of his son. Sometimes he stayed at the mansion, sometimes Jim went over to Barbara's.

It had all worked out for the best.

But he still felt an ache as he stood there with Harvey, blinking back tears as he thought how he had once wished to have Oswald back at any cost...

“Jim,” Harvey reminded him, “Pull yourself together. I know it was rough, but you didn't lose him.”

Jim blinked back tears.

“I know that,” he agreed, silently reflecting on the price he had paid to see this day come:

He had never wanted Oswald to recall the reason for their quarrel on the day of the crash. But he had to remember it, and being with Ed was his first steps on the way back from the devastation caused by the accident. He knew something had happened between them – what ever it was it had been brief, and Oswald had not denied it. But all had been forgiven, on both sides. He trusted Ed. He knew what ever they had shared belonged in the past, and would stay there, perhaps as a memory they both revisited in their minds sometimes, but it had been a time of change and upheaval and all that mattered now to Jim, was the fact that Oswald had come through the worst of it, knew the truth and all the dust had settled, and they were still together.

“I'll talk to you later,” Jim said, walking over to Oswald.

“About time,” Harvey remarked, “I'm starving!” and he headed over to the buffet.

 

Jim walked up to Oswald and they stood together in the Lounge, and as they looked at each other it was as if time stood still and they were the only two people in the room. It wasn't a new feeling, it was just that aura of deepest love that fell to surround them, it often happened, when ever they shared a moment. Oswald still had bad dreams, but now they faded quickly when he woke. He didn't get confused about reality any more. He still had days when he tired easily and slept a lot, but Jim didn't mind because it just gave him an excuse to stay in bed and keep him company and take in every perfect detail of his husband's face as he rested. And these days, Jim didn't miss being a cop any more. Taking care of Oswald didn't require as much effort as it used to, these days he was more likely to be helping him with his businesses than helping him around the mansion. But he was thankful for every day he got to live his life with Oswald. All the hard work in the early days had been worth it. All the worry and the exhaustion, it had all paid off. Even the break up had been worth it because now, they were stronger than ever.

As Oswald looked at Jim, he smiled as love reflected in his gaze. There had been a time when he had almost let him slip away, and he would always be thankful that he had realised just in time what he could have lost. Ed had supported his decision all the way. He had also drawn a line under that day, and from that moment on had been no more and no less than the same supportive best friend he had been before their affair. He had told him, it was enough for him to simply see him happy, and Ed was telling the truth about that.

“Happy birthday Oswald,” Jim said, embracing his husband tightly, then pausing to share a tender kiss.

As he drew back, his arms were still around him, and Jim was still looking at him as love reflected in his eyes.

“What are you thinking, Jim?” Oswald asked.

“That I'm the luckiest guy in the world, because I have you,” Jim replied honestly, and then as Oswald smiled back at him and blushed, Jim hugged him again, saying a silent thank you to fate or what ever it was that made life work out the way it did.

In that moment as he reflected and held Oswald, he remembered the young man he used to be, with ambition to be king of Gotham. Those days were long gone, Oswald still controlled the underworld, and he wasn't slender any more, and his eye was missing, and he would always have nights when the bad dreams returned.

_But it didn't matter._

When all was said done, when youth and perfection faded away, all that really mattered was love, and Jim loved Oswald, he always would. The fact they had been through hell and come out the other side of it stronger than ever only served to remind him that he had all he wanted here in his arms:

_He had Oswald, and Oswald had him, and that was all they needed to have a happy life, now and always._

 

End

 


End file.
